Dementia or delirium; how can I get myself to cope better?

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Patience13 Asked May 2018

Dementia or delirium; how can I get myself to cope better?

My Father has been in residential care for 8 months. He was not looking after himself. Almost set house on fire and refused help from carers and other organizations and said they were hopeless. I have power of attorney for his care. Certificate issued to confirm he does not have mental capacity for decisions on his care. He is convinced he's getting out of care to live with his Aunt. She died 40 odd years ago. He constantly has asked me every time I am in to take his belongings as it's his last day. He was getting very challenging so I told him not taking him or anything else cause she's dead. He whined on that he's found her again and he never asks anything of me. Says he's leaving as not a success. I asked what wasn't a success and he said the farm. When I asked what farm he said the one next to the ice rink. No idea what he's talking about. I had tried all the delaying and agreeing tactics but he won't listen and does not forget. How on earth do I deal with this. He will want to go to his home next which is being refurbished to sell. It was in such a state of neglect. I am going to take some time off from visiting him. How can I get myself able to cope better. Thanks in advance.j

Alzheimer's & Dementia Delusions Power of Attorney (POA)

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score 1 · Answer 1

Thank you folks for kind words and advice. I have got myself in a state about this which I know does it help anyone. Will read the links.

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score 6 · Answer 2

Your dad shows all the signs of dementia, not delirium . We call it “broken brain” syndrome. Your screen name is “Patience”? Believe me, you need tractor/trailers full. It’s probably a good idea to take a break from visiting him because popping off that his aunt is dead and he’s not going to live with her, if you catch him in a rare lucid moment, will cause upset and stress for him. Always keep in mind that 99% of the time he will not make sense. My mom was a famous Broadway actress in New York and I wasn’t her daughter but her co-star. Her red winter jacket was a satin cape that she wore on stage. She was sad because no one had called her for acting parts in a while. The facility was also located in Russia and the owners were a family who were spying on her by installing cameras in the light fixtures. Young boys slept in her bed between the mattress and the frame and came through a secret panel in her wall. The best advice is just mumble an agreement and smile. You can tell him his house is being renovated. He can’t go until it’s finished. And, of course, it will never be finished. The Theraputic Fib. You have to be creative and agile while sidestepping his demands. To be truthful, when my mom got really “bad”, I cut my visits in half.

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score 4 · Answer 3

Delirium is short term, your father obviously has some form of dementia and living where he receives care is the correct option. As you have already discovered you can't argue with dementia, their world is not based on reality and even when you win they won't remember. I'm linking a couple of articles to get you started on learning about coping with dementia:

https://preview.agingcare.com/articles/validation-therapy-for-dementia-166707.htm

https://preview.agingcare.com/articles/caregiving-tips-teepa-snow-180395.htm

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score 1 · Answer 4

Bumping this post up before it gets lost in the queue.

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Dementia or delirium; how can I get myself to cope better?

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