What can I do to convince my mother to go to the hospital?

I myself would not even begin dialysis; I don't believe that's a form of suicide, but only not to be supported indefinately in a body that wants to shut down. For me, 3x a week in a hospital hooked up to machines is a nightmare scenario and I would not do it. All a matter of perspective, not faith. I also agree that hospice would be the next call if your mom is ready to be done with dialysis; may very well be a relief to her - and you.

Thank you GardenArtist, I had a very fond Auntie go through this exact scenario. It is a very difficult situation, and extremely hard for the family to accept. We never know exactly what the affected person is going through, therefore, getting the guidance from the Nephrology team is the best bet in understanding when and if it is the right time to live and let go, and to accept our loved ones decisions to make these very difficult choices about their own health care and treatment.

I've been through many difficult end of life discussions with all 4 of our parents, each unique and all were heartbreaking, as we are Never prepared to lose a parent, but we need to have their healthcare team behind us to make the best possible informed decisions, so I stand by my answer.

I am a religious person, having been raised in the Roman Catholic Church, but realize that we need to respect the patient and their right should they choose to stop treatment, and be allowed to die with dignity and respect, and I believe that my God, would also respects the patients decisions too, there is nothing Horrific about dying peacefully, after all we are all going to die one day, however Religion should not be part of this particular discussion.

Deciding to end dialysis is the patients right, and from all of my understanding it is not a uncomfortable way to go. Generally the patient becomes very tired, sleeps a lot, they can become confused and retain fluids, but have little pain, and there are treatments for those side effects through Hospice or hospitalization. I highly suggest that the OP do their research on this, but still, it is a very painful and emotionally charged conversation that needs to be thoroughly thought out and discussed. I am so sorry you are having to go through this very difficult time. Take Care.

Stacey, as always, I appreciate your compassionate insight and approach. You've summarized the situation succinctly, and with the perspective of someone who's cared for another person to and through end stage of life.

And you're right; it's NOT a religious issue. It's a decision for the individual, and family depending on those dynamics. If a person is religious he or she can factor that in, but it's NOT a religious issue per se.

SDO, you could learn a lot from Stacey; she's intelligent, compassionate, proactive, thoughtful, considerate, and much more.

It's not a religious issue at all, many people give up their will to live. I'm just suggesting that they speak to her Dr, to help her to make informed decisions, before making that kind of decision. We don't live forever, and people do have the right to discontinue dialysis if they so choose.

Your mom is probably tired of going to the hospital so often. Very few people "enjoy" the experience.

It's not uncommon for people who have been on dialysis for years and who may be suffering from other medical issues as well, to wish to discontinue their treatment. They might feel like dialysis is no longer maintaining or prolonging their life to a satisfactory level, and they just want it all to stop, they are tired, they may feel like a burden to others, and have had enough and are ready to give up on living, and they do have that right to stop if that is truly what they want.

Talk with your Mom, make sure she understands that if dialysis is stopped, then she will die soon, probably within a few weeks, and if she truly means that, then she will need to speak with her Nephrologist, and probably a Psychologist, so that she clearly understands the ramifications of her decision, and that she (and you) will have their medical and emotional support through her end of days.

There is Very good information on the NATIONAL KIDNEY FOUNDATION website, about the best way to handle these sorts of discussions, and the guidelines to follow. If she decides to follow through with her decision to discontinue dialysis, there are ways to help her through this with Hospice care, comfortably in her own home, or inpatient, if she prefers.

It's a very tough situation to be in, but not uncommon for people who have been on dialysis for a long time, and very difficult for their family members to understand as well. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this right now, in what is already a very stressful situation in caring for her, but being well informed is your best choice about the matter. Take Care.

Penny, hopefully you've already gotten some assistance with this but if not one thought I'm having is to call the dialysis center your mom attends and ask to speak to one of the nurses there about this situation. Or call your mom's doctor's office (ask to speak to the nurse if doctor isn't available). 911 might also be your next choice. 

So sorry you're both going through this.

Has she made any statements about being fed up with dialysis? That can happen; the person just gets tired of it all and decides to take matters into his/her own hands. That was how a friend of my father's decided he was going to end his life; he was fed up with 3x weekly dialysis sessions, getting old and just didn't want to go through that any more.

Have you had any heart to heart talks with your mother about this? How long has she been on dialysis?

I know nothing about dialysis, but it sounds like this a 911 situation. Is this aggression new behavior? Bumping up this post for more visibility for people who may be familiar with ramifications of refusing treatment.