My mom recently diagnosed with cancer and has chosen no treatment. But my question is she also has a weak heart. My sister says no doctors because she chose no treatment for cancer but I feel she should continue seeing her heart doctor. Sister also says to contact hospice but I don't feel it is time for that.
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Hospice does NOT mean that death is imminent; it means that without treatment, your mother's disease is life-limiting.
Calling Hospice (and she has to be referred by a doctor) means you get to meet with several hospice providers in your area and perhaps get some insight into what services each offers, and what their "style" is.
You DON'T want to be searching around for a good hospice provider when your mother is close to death.
Get this process started this week; you'll be glad that you investigated them BEFORE they were needed.
While I understand why your sisters are saying "No doctors", just because your Mom has chosen not to be treated for the cancer, does not mean that she should not see a doctor. I agree that she should continue to see her heart doctor. I also agree that it is time for as least an evaluation by hospice. If it is not time yet for hospice to be part of your Mom's treatment plan, then hospice will tell you so.
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Please read the book “Being Mortal: Medicine and what matters in the end” by Atul Gawande. You can listen to or read interviews on line to introduce you to Dr Gawande. I listened to one yesterday on Being.org that was really good. You can google his five questions that helps start conversations with our loved ones.
I would not fight your sister on checking into hospice. If it’s not appropriate, hospice won’t be ordered. If it is, it’s a service that your mother should have the benefit of.
Being on hospice doesn’t mean your mom can’t see other doctors.
You and sister are understandably upset at hearing mom’s diagnosis.
Take a minute and decide to work together. Your Mom will benefit from your cooperating with one another and being respectful of one another’s opinions.
I have two loved ones on hospice right now. I went to a wedding with one about nine months ago. It was the wedding of her only grandchild. She was on hospice then. I look forward to seeing her for her birthday next month.
The other one has been on hospice about the same length of time. She was at our family reunion earlier this month. She goes with her daughter daily to deliver meals on wheels to others.
Hospice will allow your mom and you and your sister to focus on living the rest of her life and not focus on medical treatment alone.
I also want to recommend Atul Gawande's 'Being Mortal'. It should be required reading for all who have aging loved ones. Gawande is a well-respected surgeon where I live and is well known to the medical community. He does not write in a medically technical style but in an easy read kind of way. If you purchase the book, you can lend it to that sister when you are finished reading. It might help you to both be on the same page with plans for your mother.
Stay well yourself, give your mother a peaceful end of life -- and may it take a long time before she reaches that!
Best of luck to you and your sister. I wish I had called Hospice sooner when my mom was in her last few months of ovarian cancer. The doctors don't want to admit defeat so they wouldn't even talk about the "H" word. However, when I was overwhelmed with care decisions I talked to the cancer hospital social worker, who said to call Hospice and they were very helpful in making Mom as comfortable as possible during her last two months all the while respecting her wish to remain home and in charge. As an only child, I couldn't have gotten through without them.
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