My friend's husband had a severe stroke 11 years ago. She has been his sole caregiver since. Now that his overall health has declined, he's 86 and she's 80, my friend is looking for some help. Problem is, her hubby gets angry at her if anyone else attempts to help. He glares at her, crosses his arms, and kicks. Can Hospice be of any help in this type of situation? He's total care now and in a hospital bed after a UTI, surgery, and acquiring MERSA.
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If I were you, I should counsel her to harden her heart and make herself scarce.
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I wonder if your friend could tell her husband that at her age there is 40% chance that she would die from all that is required of her? Those are not good odds. Let him mull over that for awhile. Then your friend needs to start learning to say "sorry, I can't possibly do that, I am too tired".
Hospice can only be recommended by the patient's doctor and only if the patient has 6 months to live. Hospice is not hands-on per say. Their time with the patient is limited as they have other Hospice patients to see during the day. A nurse will come to check vitals once or twice a week.... a bath aide will come to give hubby a bed bath... a volunteer will come to spend "talk time" with hubby which he might refuse. So, it wouldn't give your friend much of a break.
If your friend and her husband can budget to pay for a caregiver, be it 4 hours or 8 hours, that would give some relief. Don't be surprised if your friend says "no" to going out to lunch, she would be too tired from all the years of caregiving. My last parent passed over a year ago, and I still haven't recovered and here I was not hands-on. I can't imagine how exhausted your friend would be. I still say "no" to going out.
The Nurses, CNA's, Social Workers have seen it all. They have dealt with difficult patients and difficult families.
All you (she) can do is make the call, get them in and see what happens over the course of a month or so.
Do not expect an overnight change, things may take time. The husband has to get used to a routine as does the wife.
Maybe when Hospice CNA is scheduled it would be the perfect time for your friend to go visit with the wife, sit and have a cup of coffee or tea so she is occupied while the CNA does her or his job. Obviously when the nurse is there or the doctor she would want to be there to ask and answer any questions.
It is worth the phone call to see if this would help both of them
My own Dad was easy going but I wanted him to choose a caregiver that he felt he would like to be in the house 8 hours during the day on a regular basis. The other shifts Dad didn't mind just as long as someone was in the house with him. It was interesting, out of all the caregivers the Agency sent out, it was the caregiver that my Mom had shooed out of the house weeks earlier as Mom didn't want strangers in the house.
Both my Dad and the caregiver had grown up on farms. The caregiver would even help Dad outside trimming the landscaping, etc. And she would take Dad over to see my Mom who was now living in long-term-care and the caregiver would help feed her lunch. Mom never realized this same woman was the one she had shooed out of the house.
Dad didn't want to take showers, then finally the weekend regular caregiver, another person my Dad really liked, she put her hands on her hips and said "Mr. Bob, I raised a houseful of boys, there isn't anything I haven't seen". It got Dad laughing so hard that he gave in to the shower. After that, no problems.
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