What to do when my boyfriend of 4 yrs had a stroke and family won’t allow me to see or talk to him?

Have you texted them about visiting him? Have you offered to be of any assistance, as far as running errands etc ?


Have you asked and been turned down? If so, was a reason given? Were there issues with you and the family before the stroke? Did he engage in any risky behaviors that might have led to the stroke? How old are you guys?

I'm sorry for all the questions, but there's not enough info to help at this point. Generic answers might be all you're looking for, which is fine. But if you need more help, more info is needed Dublin. Good luck.

Now look.

You may think I am splitting hairs here, and I am sorry not to be able just to say lots of immediately sympathetic things when clearly you are having a horrible time - for which I really am sorry, whatever else is going on - but.

There is a *world* of difference between:

My boyfriend's family won't allow me to see or speak to him;

and

My boyfriend's family won't allow contact unless we notify them by text.

I mean, the one seems cruel. The other, if for example your boyfriend is living in the family home and being cared for by family members, could be merely good manners and common sense.

So. Which is it?

Perhaps his family is just circling the wagons around their sick son in their desire to get him back on his feet as quickly as possible. Or maybe he's told them he doesn't want to see anyone.

I agree about sending cards. Not "Get Well Soon" cards but maybe some blank ones inside where you can write a brief note (keep it simple and short) or "Thinking of You" cards. Don't mention not being able to see him. Send them to be thoughtful and to let him know you're thinking of him.

But don't overdo it. Be respectful of his family's wishes however bizarre they may seem to you. There might be things you don't know.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Are you in touch with his other friends?

Do you know how significant the stroke was, and what the residual damage is? It might be that they want to protect him from anyone who might not understand the seriousness of the complications. If, for example, he has any paralysis, or can't speak, it might be embarrassing for him to be seen in that state. Perhaps they're just thinking of protecting his privacy and right to recover on his own terms.

Or perhaps he's indicated to them that he just doesn't want visitors.

Show your compassion and ask if there's anything you can do, and indicate that you'd appreciate being kept up to date as you're concerned. And send cards, not the "get well quick" kind, but the kind that acknowledge that someone's in a rough place and that you're offering your support and understanding.

If he is in a hospital, rehab or nursing home then I can't see a way that they could block visits so I'm guessing he is being cared for at home, either his own or with a family member? IMO it isn't out of line for them to ask for a heads up before a visit under those circumstances. Could you give us more details to help us understand your problem better?

That must be very difficukt. Have you been able to see your boyfriend at all since his stroke? I’m sorry you and he are going through this. How long has it been since he had the stroke? I hope he’s able to speak for himself soon.