anonymous788992 Asked June 2018

Just need to vent, please don’t judge.

Living with and caring for my 97 yr old dad and I work p/t. Got calls today from all my 3 sibs saying they are coming to our house for Father’s Day. Great, except I’m expected to “throw a party” for all of them. I asked if they could bring a dish to share and I got “ but we are 2-3 hrs away, that’s too difficult”. Whatever... I’ll suck it up for dad.
My sister just got back from 10 days in Jamaica, talking about her fantastic meals ( we eat bland mushy thing cause dad has no teeth ) her daily massages, seaweed wraps because she is soo stressed. Wanna talk about stressed? My therapy is wine. My dad has fallen 3 times this week while I was at work. My job is laying off all of us, gotta find something else quick. My sister doesn’t work but lectures me on finding another job, and yet complains that I am not home enough to monitor dad. Brought up that if we had to pay someone to do what I do, it would be room and board plus pay. She got nasty with me saying I should be happy with just room and board and “ fine we will put him in a VA home which is a death sentence”. Ugh. I feel soo unappreciated.

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Or you could serve the food you usually make - bland and mushy.

Helpful Answer (71)

guarantee your sibs would better understand if they had to stay with dad for a complete day.
my mom used to complain about my dad when they were still living at home. then she fell and broke her hip. was away from dad for few weeks (hosp/rehab)
during that time. my sister and I took turns staying/caring for dad. (had alzheimers)

WOW what an eye opener.

I don't know how my mom did it.
I knew my mom was struggling a little. and I made sure I visited a lot and checked on them.
my mom (even at that point I hadn't grasped the complete problem they were getting ready to crash and burn) She was having her own medical issues(beginning dementia)

but staying with my dad alone for the day. and then spending the night. was super stressful. JUST VISITING DOES NOT give you a complete picture ! and both my parents seemed to know how to cover up and seem totally in control.

so I wouldn't judge you at all! completely understand

reading what you sister tells you makes me angry. :(

Helpful Answer (41)

Toller vent away.. I can't believe they can't pick something up on the way? Like stop at the local grocery and grab a salad or something? How about they take you both out for FD? Your sister sounds like a PIA.

Helpful Answer (38)

Actually serving the food you usually make is hysterical. And I would do it with a straight face

Helpful Answer (36)

No judging here - just support. Your sister has an attitude. Throw something in the crockpot, tell PIA and siblings they're responsible for a green salad and dessert. There's no reason (but laziness and lack of concern for anyone) for them not calling a restaurant and arranging take out for the family so you don't have to cook.

Helpful Answer (35)

It's astonishing to me that siblings who bear none of the responsibility for caregiving just merrily cruise into town and expect to be treated like visiting royalty. And, have no hesitation to put the extra burden of cooking and entertaining on the shoulders of the already exhausted caregiver. Your sister sounds like a total jerk. I agree with those who said that your siblings should at least pick up something along the way. There are lots of things they could bring that could survive 2-3 hours in the car. It's not like they're coming from hundreds of miles away and would have to keep the food fresh while staying overnight in a hotel. It's just a cop-out, and shows how totally clueless they still are.

Helpful Answer (34)

I would tell them they have no idea how difficult it is being a caregiver and if they want to eat anything they should bring it. Your offering is having them see their Dad on fathers day.

Helpful Answer (33)

Lol, well you all gave me support and a bit of a chuckle! Thanks ❤️ I would love for each of them to either take him for a long weekend so I can have a staycation or stay here with him so I can escape. They have all given me an excuse but I may gave to insist upon it.

Helpful Answer (32)

So I had a pretty dark day on Thursday, posted something on FB that had friends concerned. Had a call from a friend from HS checking on me, a friend from grammar school ( actually I have know her since kindergarten) that I haven’t seen in 30 yrs is driving an hr and 45 for a quick visit on Wed and to take us out to lunch. Many others messaged me. Do ya think I heard anything from my dear sibs? Just crickets.... Well they are on their own to figure out how they are spending Father’s Day. I’m telling them “ every day is Father’s Day for me” this is their day to plan.

Helpful Answer (31)

You go girl. (or guy)

Shout and scream all you want here. NO ONE will judge you for it.
I don't supposed you could suddenly be 'bedridden' while they are here? Probably not? But one can dream (I am wicked lol)

Take care of yourself and 'white noise' the others unless they are helping in some way. Which doesn't sound very likely.

We have your back here. Take care of your self and do not be a stranger. Hugs

Helpful Answer (30)

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Just need to vent, please don’t judge.

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