Where to begin?......my mom left and divorced my dad 4-5 years ago. My dad thinks it was 3 months ago. Even though my mom told him to his face and wrote out the reasons why she left him and mailed it to him he still claims he has no idea why she left him. His life has not improved at all during the 4 or 5 years of being on his own. After my mom left my dad he lived on his own for approximately 3 to 6 months. He was eventually evicted due to not paying his rent. From there he lived with my sister for 2-3 weeks. That living situation ended with police involvement and a lot of different versions of what may have or may not have happened with the whole situation there. From there my wife and I let him stay with us. That lasted for 2 weeks. During that time I saw sides of my father that I never thought I'd see. He became unpredictably threatening and very verbally abusive. His living with my wife & I ended with police involvement due to my dad threatening to climb to the top of the nearby water tower and jumping off. The local police took him away to a mental health clinic. I have no idea what tests may have been done to him while he was there. When it comes to doctors my dad is not very cooperative. I was not impervious to any results or findings while he was in that clinic. From what I know he left the clinic of his own volition. He was dropped off by nursing staff at a local hotel motel. I had to pick him up and bring him to a pay by the month hotel. My mom and I found him an apartment in a 55 and older independent living community. He hated it. He thought it was a nursing home. While he was living there he had many complaints from the various tenants there. Some incidents required more police involvement. All he ever did was complain about living there. He was eventually evicted due to not paying his rent. Then from there my brother and sister found a small townhome for him. Once again he's not happy there. All he wants is my mom to come to him to make every thing better in his life. My mom is not going to go back to him. She has told me that on several occasions. I would never want my mom to go back to him. My dad is his own guardian. My brother, sister nor I want to be POA for my dad because of how overly difficult he can be. We've been firm with him. We've been kind and caring toward him. Nothing seems to work. He is once again being evicted. This place he's been living in is a clustered mess of picked through boxes of miscellaneous and furniture items he has no space or need for. My siblings and I know that he's done this to himself. We don't know what more we can do for him. Other than giving him realtors contact info we don't want to help him out of this current situation. If he does get evicted we don't know where he'll end up. He's refuses to get rid of various possessions because he thinks my siblings or I want them or he's saving them in case my mom comes back to him. He fabricates stories that are nothing but lies. He has no one else but immediate family to turn to yet he's cried wolf so many times that no one wants to respond. Feeling frustrated and helpless. Don't know what more to to do or if I should do more than I have already. If he gets evicted with no place to go will he become ward of the state? Where do I even begin to look for info on this in the state of WI?
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Getting this news today about dad hit me deeply. I can't help but fear for him. I can't help but feel sorry for him. I can't help but shed tears over what this will do to him and all he's known... I can't help but shed tears over all of the unresolved issues that are a huge wedge between he and I and now knowing that all of these issues will never be resolved with him simply because in his mind he cannot recall them or his mind has forgotten about them completely. So now I have to find a way to let all of the issues go and just try to be there for my dad who is hardly there mentally..... I can't help but wonder if there's anything that I can do to help him now.... something like playing him one of his favorite songs or re-learning "Clarinet Polka" so I can play it for him on my clarinet that he bought for me some 40 years ago... I'm a reiki master, I wonder if if he would allow me to re-balance what I can using reiki energy.... I'm a compassionate person.... he's my one and only dad. The love I have for him is a very tough and hard earned love. We've had our rare good times and we've had our full share of tough times together... too much to contemplate and cope with now...
You can't fix this. All you can do is deal with it. Try to find a support group or even a therapist to help you deal with the pain.
Your Dad either has a mental problem or in early stages of Dementia. Hopefully he will be evaluated by the right people and placed in the right place.
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It's been difficult trying to deal with everything that has happened to my dad and where he ended up and where he may eventually end up at. Dad's caretaker told me that they want to get him evaluated and officially diagnosed so they know what type of facility to transfer him to. Right now they're trying to deal with my dad urinating in his room at this facility. I can't help but think of the fight that my dad will give to avoid going to another facility or an assisted living residence. I don't know if I'll ever see my dad again or if he'll want to see any of his family again after turning our backs on him. We're all he has. It's a strange difficult reality to deal with... knowing that my dad is alive and messed up in the head yet I may never see him again or if I want to see him. Part of me is okay with that, yet part of me wants to just see my dad to hug him and tell him it's okay... what's happening is for the best. I never thought it would be like this. I never thought I'd have to seriously consider talking to a support group or counselor about coping with a mentally unstable family member. It's sad. It's difficult. It's stressful. It's what is...
So, about a week ago I took a day off of work to call the local ADRC to see what can be done to help my father. Since he's his own guardian things that can be done for him are limited. The woman I talked to about my dad contacted adult protective services and from there.... my dad can accept or refuse any assistance offered to him. I was also given an address and phone number to a homeless shelter 15 -20 miles away from where he is/was living. As of right now I have no idea if he was evicted. My sister chose to put herself in charge of his finances and taking him to various doctor appointments. She would know more than my brother or I of what my dad's current situation is. She also knew, at the beginning of June, that he did not pay his rent. Why she didn't tell my dad to pay his rent or she pay it for him is beyond me. I've called her several times and no answer. I left messages for her to call me back but so far no return calls.
www.nami.org/Find-Support/NAMI-Programs/NAMI-Family-to-Family
I know telling you this isn't helping but I want you to know that you are not alone. There are lots of broken families out there where everything seems hopeless. Sometimes, there really isn't an answer to situations but you can't let them destroy you. You often can't help someone, even family, unless they want your help. Just do what you can and live your own life the best way you know how. Best of luck.