Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
K
K43d35 Asked July 2018

If I don't call every night a 8 pm Daddy worries. Any suggestions?

My daddy (who has Alzheimer's) frets if I don't call every night at 8 pm. Usually I can do this. But on occasions (like when I'm out at a movie, watching a play or even cooking a late dinner) I can't. I tell him (he can't remember) and my aunt (his care provider) that I'll be gone that night, but... If 8 o'clock comes and I'm not calling he gets upset. Any suggestions.

K43d35 Jul 2018
bicycler, you don't sound sanctimonious. I know how lucky I am. I cared for my mom (chemo brain and age 95) my FIL (Lewy Body dementia) and my MIL (ALZ) right up to the end. Making sure no one ate lemon Joy, or peed in the corner of the church. I cared for daddy up until last summer, when I lost the custody battle with my aunt. (He is paying for the apartment in the AL place, she is listed as his care giver. Uh, not so much. As part of the custody deal, we got a round the clock care giver for both of them. Daddy adores his sister and doesn't want to be parted from her. My farm, while beautiful and has blackberries, show chickens, black swans, peacocks, koi, tropical waterlily's and horses, doesn't have a medical team on staff)

bicycler Jul 2018
K43d35, kudos to you for calling your dad most days. I apologize if my suggestion sounds sanctimonious, but to those of us who've devoted most of the hours of every day for years providing care for a parent, your dad needing you to call him every day at 8 p.m. sounds like a reasonable thing for you to do for as long as it's important to him. Given that his dementia has made him occasionally forget that you no longer live near by, his fretting if you don't call at 8 p.m. will probably disappear before long. And not too long after that he may not even remember who you are. It appears that you have a very good relationship with him or what's left of him -- I suggest cherishing that relationship by calling him when he expects your call. Best wishes.

ADVERTISEMENT


K43d35 Jul 2018
Daddy is 92. And it must be at 8 pm. How in the world he can remember that but occasionally forgets I no longer live near by is beyond me.

Countrymouse Jul 2018
This must get a bit irksome for your aunt, but it probably doesn't do your father any lasting harm.

I like FF's idea, worth a try? Or - I'm afraid this falls on you :/ - how about setting a reminder on your cellphone and putting in the quickest possible call before you go in for Act 2, or while you're waiting for popcorn, or once the potatoes have come to the boil..?

How old is your father, if you don't mind my asking?

freqflyer Jul 2018
K43d35, could you call Dad at 7 pm on those nights where 8 pm isn't possible? Or would Dad forget you had called?

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter