My mother just passed and one of my daughters is about to take a long trip. Should I wait to tell her?

Thank you all for the replies . Best advice.

I would tell her. She’s an adult and if you follow deeann excellent script you can also give her the permission to decline if she chooses. If you wait to tell her after the trip, she may feel less than part of the family.

Tell your daughter. Let her make her own decisions about what she feels is the right thing to do. If you keep this from her you're preventing her from paying respects, should that be her choice - she won't thank you for not spoiling her trip when she finds out.

I'm sorry for your loss. I also vote for telling your daughter and letting her make her own decision about the trip. She may decide to postpone her trip to be there to support you and her grandfather, even if she wasn't that close to her grandmother.

Sometimes my mother tries so hard not to bother anyone that she sends a message that she doesn't want us to be there in her times of grief. It stings a bit.

I suggest that you tell your daughter ASAP that her grandmother(?) has passed away and that the funeral or memorial service is ______________(location & date). Also tell your daughter that her father and you realize that she plans to go on a long trip in 2 days and that YOU WANT HER TO GO AHEAD WITH HER TRIP and not to change her plans in an attempt to attend the funeral. Tell your daughter that her grandmother WOULD WANT her to take the trip instead of trying to get a refund (which your daughter most likely will NOT get) and to enjoy the trip in honor of her grandmother. Do NOT mention that you realize that she and her grandmother were not close so there is no reason for her (your daughter) to attend the funeral or memorial. Ask your daughter to maybe have a little memorial of her own someplace special while she is on her trip. And give your daughter your blessing and her father's blessing for taking the trip as it is one way to take care of herself and that it will allow your daughter to grieve in her own way.

After you talk to your daughter (the sooner the better), explain to the rest of the family that your daughter had this long trip planned for quite sometime and that you are sure that her grandmother would approve of her going on the trip instead of "wasting money (since your daughter was unable to get a refund) by staying for the funeral/memorial" and tell the rest of the family that her father and you have given your approval for your daughter to go on the trip. I am sorry for the loss of your MIL (Edit: your Mother, Frances.)

Tell her now. What's the point for the delay if they weren't that close?