I've given up everything for my parents and I'm worried that if I continue dealing with all their problems then my life is going to go down the toilet. What options do I have?

Oof. It sounds like a tough situation for sure, and exhausting. I sympathize.

First, huge congratulations to you, for all that you've done to support your parents, and try to get resources for them, and to take care of them at such a young age. That's a lot to take on. You're doing a great job in very tough circumstances.

Each state is not equal, and that's not fair to you. Some states have generous resources and lots of support, and I'm so sorry that South Dakota is not one of them. (You can vote to change that.)

I may be misinterpreting, but it sounds like maybe you're not quite ready to give up on your parents, but you'd REALLY like some help. It's too much to be doing everything so totally alone.

Also it sounds like it's time for your parents to absorb that their reality has changed, and to take some responsibility for themselves, *or* allow you more control to make changes on their behalf Those are reasonable requests!

A few questions... is there a social worker in your life who could help facilitate a conversation with your parents, especially your mother, about what *has* to change?

With my very stubborn/domineering/controlling mother, who also yells constantly and especially about difficult topics, I contacted the hospital social worker, and over the course of a couple weeks, the social worker reiterated what I had been saying – and my mom finally heard it, because it was said by not-her-daughter. (By the way: this was last week, not years ago.)

It sounds like your mom is at a crossroads. She can lose the care and support of her daughter, and probably lose her home. OR, she can admit that change has to happen, and make the best of that, and retain some of your support, with some new boundaries. I really hope she chooses to make the change.

Next: are your parents part of ANY groups? Anything, at all? Any religious affiliations, social organizations, sororities or fraternities, alumni organizations, unions, clubs, volunteer groups, fishing clubs, monthly quiz nights... Anything? Often there are hidden resources in those places. Sometimes the resource is expertise, sometimes it's money, sometimes volunteer time. *Any* extra resource can help free you from being so completely alone in your caregiving. If you mother accepts and helps with the housing piece and you can get some ongoing sustained help from other places, you can be a support for them without having it absolutely drain the life out of you.

As you know, none of this is easy or straightforward or perfect, and there's no right answer for what's next. I hope fervently you find the support YOU need for your own choices ahead.

I would put this issue aside for a few days and allow your mind to "clear" so you can make decisions w/o being under so much pressure. You sound like you're ready to collapse, "throw in the towel", and give up. And I understand that, given the frustration and challenges with which you've dealt.

Sometimes parents not only don't work with us, they work against us, raising a range of unsettling and often self critical emotions.

Take a few "sick days", lie if you have to and tell your parent that you have some kind of infectious disease and must be away from them so they don't acquire it. Stay with a friend if you have to, but use this as a destressing time and then revisit the issue.

Definitely, time to return to your internship if possible, or another one, or another opportunity appropriate to you as a young person with your whole life and career ahead of you.

You tried!

Go down to "DIVISION OF LONG TERM SERVICES AND SUPPORTS" on this web page and see if you can call some of these folks to see what might be available to help you. I don't think you should give up your life and happiness to take care of your folks. You are very young and they are too. They could live another 30 years. You've done what you can, let the state take over if there's any way to do that.

dhs.sd.gov/servicesandprograms.aspx

You did your best,now it is you time.

I have some social workers on my side, but at the end of the day if I step down as POA and all these responsibilities, my parents are vulnerable. South Dakota doesn't have public guardians. I'm so lost at what to do.

Bumping this back up. Hoping some old pros will help this young women.

If you're an only child then get help

Try to find a social worker through the county to lay out some options for your parents

Save yourself. You’re too young for this. Do not go down with this ship. You made a heroic effort. Time to take care of yourself now.