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monateru Asked July 2018

How to get her to go to bed?

My great-aunt is refusing to go to bed even though it is supposed to be her regular sleeping time. The problem is my sister, who was with her these past couple of nights, let her stay up really late! So now she is off schedule and wants to stay up again. I've pulled out her pajamas, turned off all the lights, shut all the doors, and closed all the blinds. What else can I do to encourage her to go to bed? Any suggestions?

Lostinthemix Aug 2018
I think my mil just sleeps the 5 to 20 minutes at a time and has for several years, or so it would seem. Drives me absolutely crazy.

Lostinthemix Jul 2018
Huh, I was sent to bed one night because she didn't want to go to bed and I just wanted my "down" time.

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monateru Jul 2018
Thank you Dorianne for your response! My great aunt has a TV in her room, but she says thats its "improper" to have it there. I can occasionally get her to watch tv in her room, or read a book. I think the underlying issue is that she is afraid of missing out on all the fun and activities! I keep trying to explain to her that I am going to bed too and that nobody else is in the house. She lived city and stayed up till 2 am walking around and popping in and out of bars before she came to live with my family, so I understand that this is a habit of hers. I eventually got her to bed by just turning everything off and assuring her that we can watch the news again in the morning.

Dorianne Jul 2018
My mom kept sleeping on the couch, which basically consumes the entire living space as a bedroom, for a year. Or she'd stay up till 1 or 2 AM, or later, watching TV, and THEN fall asleep. Then she'd be asleep there in the morning and refuse to go to bed, so I couldn't do anything. She'd doze in front of it during the day and evening, too. It was so frustrating - I felt like I had no life, having to tiptoe around her day and night.

The one thing that finally worked - it's only been a few weeks - was putting a TV in her room. Turns out that's all she wants - to lay around and watch TV and fall asleep in front of it. In this case, my brother's hand-me-down TV turns out to be a 55" with a brilliant picture, but I think she would've been just as happy with something more modest. So now I say, "You can watch as much TV as you want, but you have to watch it in your room when I have something to do/want to have friends over/need to practice music/when bedtime comes/(or whatever reason)."

She only ends up in front of the living room TV three evenings a week now, and almost no daytimes. She lays on the couch when she gets home from dialysis, and goes to her room when home support comes. As long as she can still watch TV, she seems happy. Even with the TV in there, she usually falls asleep by a normal time, or sooner.   Or, if she goes off her schedule, she ends up back on it before too long just because she gets tired and falls asleep earlier. 

Maybe your Great Aunt just wants to watch TV late into the night? I feel a grown up should really be allowed to watch TV as late as they want, as long as they're not disturbing others (obviously I consider watching it in the living area to be disturbing others, lol).  Really, I feel any activities after normal bedtime - reading, listening to music (with headphones), etc. - should be done in one's own bedroom, when sharing a space with others (excluding special occasions).   So maybe rather than trying to make her go to sleep, tell her the house rule is you don't have to sleep, but you do have to be in your bedroom by bedtime?

UptoHere Jul 2018
Lose the TV remote?

97yroldmom Jul 2018
How about some sleepy time (chamomile) tea?
When she does go to sleep try getting her up on time or only a little later tomorrow. It will take a few days to get back on track. Most of us do better keeping the same bed time each day but hopefully she’ll be back on track soon.

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