How do I ask my parents' doctors if my parents have cognitive issues?

First, I said they part time babysit. It's for an hour or so a day until my husband or I get off work. They asked to babysit so they can see their grandson more. And I did note that that will be changing.

Secondly, I appreciate the suggestions of writing to the doctor and seeing about an eval. I'm not allowed to attend any doctor appointments, probably for the same reason I'm not POA. But I will definitely call and/or write.

Is there any way you can make your dad an appointment with his regular doctor and go with him? If you can, that way you can tell his doctor what's going on (and maybe even call his doctor's office ahead of time to kind of give them a "heads up". They won't be able to give you info over the phone without his consent, but can at least relay the info you give them to his doctor.)

If you are able to go with him, I'd ask the doctor if he could refer him to a neurologist and a geriatric psychiatrist for evaluation.

Since your parents either refused to give proxy authority, or as I'm suspecting, refused to even execute the appropriate documents, I'm guessing that you also don't have any HIPAA authority.

In that case, I would send a letter to his PCP or neurologist (preferably) and share your concerns, and perhaps suggesting that they schedule your father for an evaluation.

That doesn't address the issue of knowing what the eval might show, but you might want to raise that in the letter to the doctor, indicating you're planning for future arrangements and it would be helpful to know what kind of facility might be appropriate.

You're wise to remove your family from the unhealthy environment, especially since your father won't adhere to medical recommendations for oxygen use. The shortness of breath he probably experiences might be contributing to his nasty moods.

But I would definitely get out of there, not only for you, your husband and son's protection, but I suspect that conditions are only going to worsen until your father ends up in the hospital with respiratory complications.

And the babysitting arrangement needs to change; that's too much for an elderly couple to handle, and might be why your father's hostile to you and your family.