My mother has dementia and my brother has POA. He wants to pay someone else to be POA because he doesn't want to do the work. Any advice?

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texasgal55 Asked July 2018

My mother has dementia and my brother has POA. He wants to pay someone else to be POA because he doesn't want to do the work. Any advice?

I do, but he refuses. Do I have any rights to my mother say if my brother, the POA wants to put her in a nursing home? My daughter is her caregiver but is only there during the day. She is all alone at night because my brother refuses to pay someone. She can be in her home but needs more care. My brother refuses to do safety upgrades to the home as well and has said many times it would be easier if something major happened to her so he could put her in a nursing home. He is himself on the autism spectrum per my cousin's son who is a psychiatrist so reasoning with him can be impossible.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Power of Attorney (POA) Siblings

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score 1 · Answer 1

Thank you for the responses. She is so attached to her home and routine that moving her would no doubt be extremely stressful on her at 96. Not to mention independent senior living facilities and places specifically for people with memory problems could not possibly have more support for her than a caregiver who only has to look after one person as long as a few upgrades like a bar in the shower are put in. I also live one block away so am able to check on her. She's never fallen or had any major accidents but it's only a matter of time. The whole point is not to move her. Thanks.
wally003 I have the copy of the POA and it states that it cannot go to a family member if something happens to him. It's very weird.
freqflyer thank you for that suggestion. I will check into that.

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score 2 · Answer 2

texasgal55, only your Mother can change her Power of Attorney.

I realize that your Mother has dementia, and if it is at a stage where she cannot understand a legal document, then the Power of Attorney cannot change.

The only step you can take is Guardianship in order to represent your Mother. https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-get-guardianship-of-elderly-parents-140693.htm

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score 1 · Answer 3

if possible you can see who is next in line to be POA... if was done with an attorney.
I am my moms POA and I don't get to decide who is next (in case something happens to me). next in line is my sister. then after her, my husband is listed.

does brother have copies of POA and would allow you to see?

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score 1 · Answer 4

You say he would like to pay someone to have power of attorney but refuses to let it be you? If he will agree to have someone else make these decisions, you might have an easier time coming to an agreement with them about getting more help in for your mom.
If your mom's house isn't safe because he won't pay for upgrades, wouldn't it be a good idea to look into another living situation for her? Nursing homes aren't the only option anymore. There are independent senior living facilities, assisted living facilities, and places specifically for people who have memory care problems. She might be better off in a place with more supports that has been designed for the elderly.

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My mother has dementia and my brother has POA. He wants to pay someone else to be POA because he doesn't want to do the work. Any advice?

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