What’s the best way to respond to my mother’s anxious, angry impatient behavior?

My mother is similar, except that she refuses to accept that she is not in control. She is always right. Everyone else is stupid.

I try to pretty much not engage. It's not fair that I have to be pretty much her main social support. She has other choices, but insists on living this way.

And yes, being with her is a chore!

Mom sounds like she’s afraid her life is spinning out of control. Does she have dementia? That in itself is scary when you are still cognizant enough to realize what’s happening. If she was always independent, ran her own home and raised her own family, now being dependent on one of her kids can be depressing and upsetting, even if that child is loving and caring. If she lives with you, she’s gone from an entire house to maybe one room for herself. Her past life and her independence is gone and there never comes a time in ones life when it’s easy to accept.

However, that is no excuse for bad behavior. When one lives with one’s adult child, it’s a privilege and not a right. Unreasonable anger can signal a need for a doctor visit. So can pervasive anxiety and/or paranoia.

Let Mom initiate the conversations. I’ve found that food can be an obsessive topic of discussion. My bedridden husband, while eating breakfast, will ask for a complete rundown of meals and snacks for the rest of the day.

Has your mother always behaved this way? Or is this a change in her mental status?

Just remember to breathe be calm , agree with her for the sake not arguing, if you can destress . Do some exercise to release stress and release serotonin it's the natural feel happy enzyme. Please engage it's probably the only good communication she has. If you can also get to talk to a therapist to talk about the the situation.
But always breathe in bad situations it allows you to keep calm