She hates my husband. She makes up lies that he wants her and I take his side. She is now threatening to file elder abuse against both of us.
I think she is in the beginning stages of dementia and she takes too much medication. I need to know what our rights are (hubby and I).
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Rights? First, hope you have POAs. Makes things easier. If Mom has money maybe a nice AL. Some need 2 yrs of private pay and then will allow you to use Medicaid. If no money, it would be a Nursing Home on Medicaid. I believe our responsibility to our parents is to make sure they are safe, fed and clean. If that means a care facility. Its not fair to your husband to be living with someone who doesn't like him.
First, get Mom evaluated. Blood tests ect.
It sounds like she’s farther along than you think she is on the dementia journey, in addition to what sounds like a drug addiction issue. At some point, she could lose control and physically attack your husband or you. My mother became combative and violent when she had a UTI. And, if as you say, she hates your husband and is in fear he will attack her sexually, attacking him first is a real possibility. Between the dementia and the drugs, who knows where her mind is.
She needs to be evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist. If she truly goes off the wall, you may need to have her Baker Acted. She will go to a psychiatric facility for evaluation and a treatment plan will be put in place.
If if I were you, I wouldn’t wait for this to get better or go away. It won’t.