What to do when its time to put father in assisted living?

I'm coming back to this post I did last fall. Dad has had a really bad couple of days. I had a very lengthy email from the care manager today that he really needs round the clock care. In home, that would be cost prohibitive and she knows it so she is strongly pushing for assisted living. He would NEVER go. That will be right up at the top of when I tried to take his car keys last year. It will take a fall or a trip to the hospital to accomplish it. At a loss. He's driving me nuts. So frail, so lonely the last couple days. The care manager thinks he would flourish at assisted living because he is pretty social. How do you know 'when' and how does one do this? PS. I am guardian but he never, ever listens to me. I know I would need to get approval from the court before we do anything.

And here we are again. Dad, age 92, dementia, still lives on his own. Care comes in 5 days a week for 1/2 days. They told me yesterday he needs full time care which would cost waayyyy too much and he doesn't want to leave his house. He was in distress last night and again this morning. His caregiver when early today to assess the situation and see what we should do. We could take him to the ER but they never seem to do anything but then again, more trips to ER means possibly closer to being able to place him in a home because at some point, they are not going to let him go home to his house.

I was lucky in that my Mom asked to go to ER Dept., was hospitalized, went to Rehab Therapy at nursing home, and then stayed after therapy was ended.  She is currently in their to Memory Care Unit.  If I had tried to get her to go to the nursing home without it being her idea, she would have disowned me.  You just might have to wait until an "emergency" occurs that puts your Father into the hospital and then you will be better able to get him into assisted living or a nursing home.  For now, you need to provide home care as long as he wants to stay at home.  I like the idea of writing a contract that if he will not allow caregivers to come into his house, then he has to go to a facility.
 
Here are some websites for you to look at that regarding how to assess your father as to whether he needs to go to a facility or stay at home:  
http://www.assistedlivinglocators.com/assessment
This Assessment Tool will give you a general idea about which type of housing or care may be most appropriate for you or your loved one. For each category below, please select the description that may be most appropriate.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/first-step-moving-to-senior-living-152500.htm

https://www.caring.com/articles/signs-its-time-for-assisted-living

https://www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/caregiving/assisted-living-reasons

LOL.. Are you sure we don't have the same dad? My dad is 92. My sister and I laugh about how the stories he tells vary so much between what he tells her vs. what he tells me. We do not believe that it is merely that he gets confused. We truly believe he tells different stories based on what he wants us to know and then he tells us not to talk to each other about it (yeah, right...) We are about done with guardianship/conservatorship. He will still hold some control but the attorney tried to explain to him that we are 'preparing for the future', i.e. he really needs more help now but this is step 1 for me to get my foot in the door, so to speak. (He's a bit of a control freak). I will continue to write checks for his bills and he signs them out of his own checking account but there will be a pool of money available to me in case we have an emergency. This will help in purchases I need to make during the week for him - I will have an account available for that. His desire is to stay in his house as long as possible so a couple months ago, he committed to care coming in a few days a week for 4 hours at a time. I know that if I tried to move him to assisted living, he would not stay there. He would walk out or get kicked out so we're trying to keep him in the house. We have written a stipulation into the guardianship that says I can't move him as long as he allows care to come in, as long as he is not abusive to them, and that he allows any and all care to be there that I recommend. The only way I can move him is at the recommendation of a physician which is fine with me. That's just a phone call away. We may end up directly in memory care down the road. The geriatric psychiatrist was a godsend for us. Got him on some Seroquel and it has made all the difference. He's definitely sleeping better and is much more stabilized emotionally during the day.

First take him to a neurologist to have him evaluated. He probably should have some labs done to make sure its not something else. Urine test will rule out UTI. Do you have POA, If not, may want to do it while he understands what it is otherwise its guardianship. If the Dr. diagnoses him with ALZ/Dementia, then have the Doctor sit down in front of him, look him straight in the eye and tell him he can no longer live on his own or drive anymore. This makes the doctor the bad guy and not you. Then you can always say the doctor says this is in his best interest.

Write down all you have said here and anything else u have noticed. Give it to the receptionist and ask that the doctor look at it before ur appt. Helps him ask the right questions.