I want to run away from all this...

You said it. Hit the nail on the head. My parents spent decades being super healthy. fanatically so., I think their bodies are now outliving their brains. If my mother was in her right mind she would not want to do this to me. She actually had no clue how long I had been caring for her. Its been 8 years. She guessed 1.

amc716, I admire your tenacity and boundary setting. It doesn't sound horrible to me, but I don't know that I have your strength. Thanks for your forthrightness and honesty - I see that it is possible to make tough decisions and not look back.

Count me in. While some of you have siblings that cause you even more problems, I'm an only child. My parents were divorced when I was 14. My father died at 65 in 1992. My mother remarried, and was happily married until my stepfather died in 2008. My mother was not a good mother when I was growing up, but I try to overlook that. A year ago, my then 90 year old mother, wrote me a letter that her physical health was good but she had started to forget things. She also stated that she was afraid to die alone. The last one I could relate to as it had always been a fear of mine, and a strong feeling as a nurse. Everyone comes into this world with at least one other person there; their mother. No one should leave this world alone. I always tried to be with my patients when they left this world. Alright, with physically okay and just a little forgetting, I agreed that she could move into my house. Now it's 14 months later. Her physical condition has deteriorated and her mental status is the worst part. She refuses to eat nourishing food, and lives on chocolate milk and toast, despite her weight in the 80s lb. range. I take her to the store and walk her along the isles (I walk, she's in a scooter cart) asking, "What would you like to eat?". All I get is, "I don't see anything that looks good." or "I'm not hungry.". I've given up on the food. I've thrown out more spoiled food than I care to think about. Something that she thought she liked in the store, but never got eaten. I'm on social security too, and can't afford to waste money on food that just sits there and spoils. Being an only child has its problems too. I'm the caregiver. The only one. No one that I can even share her with. I'm not getting rich on this as she and my stepfather spent their money on cruises. The thing is with her dementia, I can't even leave her alone even to go to the store. It's 24/7, and I'm really getting drained. A couple of months ago, Division of Children and Families showed up at my door that she wasn't being cared for, wasn't clean, and the living facilities were cluttered. They gave me descriptions of the inside of my house that they could only have gotten from someone who had been inside it. I really don't have anybody inside my house, so I'm pretty sure the information came from my mother. She has to wait while I see a doctor, and there are many psychologists on that floor. I think they saw "this poor, little, old lady" sitting in the common waiting room, asked if she was alright, and she started to complain. She's very good at complaining. According to my mother, the only thing I am good for is being the maid. Although I was a critical care RN for 25 years, she feels that I'm too stupid to have any knowledge, especially in regards to medical issues. My mother is very hard of hearing, so I know she didn't make the call, but I think she said enough to start the ball rolling. I hadn't heard anything from DCF for a couple of months, so I thought it was dropped, until today when I got a call from them. I really don't need their harassment. They had agreed that she was clean and cared for and seemed happy at the time of their visit, however they feel I should throw MY things out to accomidate my mother even more. I've already thrown out a $3,000.00 mahogany dining room table with leaves and 8 high back chairs to make room for "her things". That doesn't include the multiple dumpsters of MY things that I threw out so she could move in. I'm burned out. I'm in the process of buying a new home as mine was badly damaged by hurricane Irma. As the tree fell through her bedroom, she is currently in the dining room and I'm in the other side of a L shaped living room/dining room. Do I have any privacy-none. At least with the new house, my bedroom will be at one end and her's at the other. If you made it this far, thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder. It helps to do that once in awhile.

I haven't heard that before... "bank of me". That is a good way of looking at it. Thanks for sharing!

you are 100 percent correct. thank you for saying this.

Great response! As many others on this site, I find myself in a unexpected caregiver role I did not plan for. My 88 year old mother with dementia lives with me and loves to travel down the "poor me" path. I have always tried to be a very positive person so I don't have much tolerance for pity parties. Now when she says her familiar statement "Who would have ever thought I would have ended up like this?" I laugh at the irony and respond with "and who would have thought I would have ever ended up like this!" It's like they say "If you don't laugh, you'll cry".........as difficult as it can get, I'm still trying to laugh every chance I get.
Bless you all.