When is it time to put a wife in memory care?

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Phogan001 Asked August 2018

When is it time to put a wife in memory care?

My wife was diagnosed in 2011 with Alzheimer's. I have been her caregiver since 2013 on a full time basis, Recently she has some incontinence, talk in circles. I dress her, with help we do all bathing and other items. When direct she will eat, take pills. I am seeing some wandering issues and I think mild hallucinations. She still like to go for walks. She is most part still pleasant, but she is getting to the point where sometimes she does not like to be told what to do. She always wants to see our youngest daughter, but our daughter can be in the same room and she will not know who she is. Because of her bathroom issues at night I am only getting about 4 hours sleep.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Memory Care Spouse

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score 3 · Answer 1

When you ask yourself when is it time, it is time. You are recognizing the increased needs of you wife and your increasing stress level and that you are tired. That is great, so many go on and on and on continuing to provide care until it kills them. Then what?

You are a wonderful, caring and loving husband to have done all that you have. Find a great place for your wife that will provide excellent care and allow you to become her loving and caring husband again.

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score 2 · Answer 2

The decision to place a loved one in care is a very personal one and very distressing but it may not be your only option at this point. Is she wearing incontinence products at night? Have you discussed her inability to sleep and hallucinations with the doctor? Some docs seem to be reluctant to prescribe anti psychotics or sleep aids due to potential side effects, remember to stress that your needs also need to be considered. She might benefit from Adult Day Care where she can interact with others in a safe environment and you can get a break too. Are you using outside caregivers to help with her personal care?

You need to look after yourself first so that you can look after her, not getting enough sleep is a big problem that can lead to both physical and mental health problems. Good luck.

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score 1 · Answer 3

It's certainly time to think about residential care for her. The wandering and disrupted sleep are both big signals. If you haven't done it, consult with an Elder Care attorney to see if there are any financial arrangements recommended for you and your wife.

I also recommend looking for a Geriatric Care Counselor or Aging Life Specialist to help you choose the best residential placement for her. Some memory care facilities group the residents by abilities. That looks like it provides better social interactions for the residents, to me.

Some counselors are "free" to you and paid by the memory care facility if you accept the referral. Some are paid by the hour. I am much more comfortable with the hourly scheme as I think the advice given is more impartial and geared towards what is best for your wife rather than the compensation offered by the facility.

This might help you get started if you are in the US.
https://www.aginglifecare.org/

You may find your relationship with your wife is less stressful when you aren't responsible for so much of her care.

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Thanks for the input.

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When is it time to put a wife in memory care?

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