How can I tell mum I no longer think we can have her live with us?

Thanks for answering

Worry about it when the time comes. A lot can happen between now and then. Her health could deteriorate to the point that she would need more care than you are willing to do or physically can do. If she brings the subject up, be ready to tell her the truth. You don't think it would work out. There r a number of people on this site that will tell u don't do it. Like u there is a Golden Child who does nothing or takes advantage and then the caregiver who does all the work and gets abused by the parent and sometimes the Golden Child. You do not want that for yourself because once u put yourself in that position its a lot harder to get out of it. Boundries now will make things a lot easier as time goes on.

You can change your mind. You can explain truthfully but politely why or just make up an excuse. You aren’t in the situation yet so don’t wait until mom has moved in and driven you crazy.

My mom moved her mom in and it didn’t work at all. So then my grandma moved to another house on the same property and that worked out much better. My grandma could smoke cigarettes, eat high fat food and keep cats. But moving out did cause some hard feelings for a while.

You can tell her that living with you was a decision that you made and now you have changed your mind for living there is a privilege not a right. I don't think that I would bring up that she was not that great a mom and you were not her favorite who by the way has nothing to do with her. From your profile, it sounds like she could live on her own or in assisted living. You could also say that you will help her find some affordable housing that she can pay for.