I do everything for my mother, but she is giving my sister a 4 carat diamond. How do I stop feeling sorry for myself?

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trish4084 Asked August 2018

I do everything for my mother, but she is giving my sister a 4 carat diamond. How do I stop feeling sorry for myself?

I buy food and pay utilities. She lives in an in-law apt downstairs. How do I not feel hurt - I take her to hopsitals doctors, food shopping, hairdressers. I feel so hurt, I am the oldest. The way she told me was very hurtful saying she needs to have it fixed, so I said lets go and have it fixed - then she said I wonder if your sister will wear it, my heart sunk. I don't begrudge her, it is her stuff, but I am the only one that does everything - how do I stop feeling sorry for myself?

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score 2 · Answer 1

Why is mom not paying her way? Are you trying to buy her love?

You resent her because you ShOULD! She's taking from you. Resentment is the natural emotion to feel.

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score 1 · Answer 2

I agree. You need to tell her your feelings are hurt. My father was the same way. I was the only one interested in family history yet he would regularly give family items to my cousin. Once I did speak up and he told me that cousin was still an "H-Family name" . I guess because I got married and changed my name I no longer count.

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score 1 · Answer 3

WHY are you doing all that you do for her? You have the least money, and yet you are bearing the financial brunt for her?

She is clearly telling you that she prefers your sister to you. Why isn't she living with her favored child? (Are there other siblings, or just the two of you?)

Please stop allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. Let's help you brainstorm some plans to either get her to pay you (for your TIME as well as your financial output for her) or to move her out.

Do you also pay for her medical needs, hairdresser, etc.? If so, WHY???

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score 5 · Answer 4

Is she paying rent?
Are you being paid for what you are doing?
If not, ask yourself "why not?" and tell mom how much it's going to cost to continue this arrangement.

You are being taken advantage of if mom is not paying her way and giving away valuables.

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No Barb. she is not paying rent, I pay for everything, food utilities etc. Just very hurt she would give my dad's ring to her - because I know my sister will put it in different settings and I am very sentimental - yes she has other jewlery but that ring means alot to me since my did gave it to her. I have give her 2 pairs of diamond earings and a 4 carot coctail ring witch she gave to my sister along with her moms rings years ago- I dont want to fight over the ring it is hers and she can do with she wants with it but how do I get over it she said I can have all her other jewelry most of what i bought her - I am divorced and live pay check to paycheck and the others are very well off- I am so disappointed she would do this to me. How do I get over the resentement - I hate feeling like this.

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score 1 · Answer 5

Looking forward to reading responses to this question, since I’m also involved in a “ring war”. For me, sentimental associations with jewelry are paramount. Does Mom have any other pieces of jewelry that might be similarly attractive to you, without regard to the financial value?
I was given a ring by some of my now deceased loved ones, and now another family member has accused me of somehow acquiring it unfairly, although I’m oblivious to any and all drama about it.
THEY are in possession (or WERE) of a relatively low value birthstone ring that was my Godmother’s for the birth month that she and I shared.
I would happily trade ring for ring but offended spouse proudly sold off jewelry when it came into her possession, and we’re just on the fringe of restoring bare bones communications, so still a bit of a muddle......
Something about jewelry though.

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score 7 · Answer 6

Ask your mom why she's giving the ring to your sister. Be upfront about it and don't nurse a resentment.

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I do everything for my mother, but she is giving my sister a 4 carat diamond. How do I stop feeling sorry for myself?

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