Unreasonable expectations of care from adult children. I wonder if these symptoms are real or faked to get more interaction?

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pattiac Asked August 2018

Unreasonable expectations of care from adult children. I wonder if these symptoms are real or faked to get more interaction?

My mother, 91, lives alone by choice and refuses in home care. I take her out twice a week to food shop, help clean, and another day for shopping and lunch. My neighbor takes her out for Bingo another day. Some of my issues are that she is constantly coming up with reasons to go to the doctor on another day and it usually winds up being nothing. She expects me to add more time to take her out because she's bored and anxious (but won't take her prescribed medication for it), so I wonder if these symptoms are real or faked to get more interaction. She is completely absorbed with herself and wants her own way, pretending often that she needs more care than she does.

If so, please share any advice you may have to nip this behavior in the bud. I don't want to under or over react, but I do want to have a better balance and reasonable expectations that don't overtake my own family.

Thank you for any input!

Care Decisions Family Caregiver

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score 1 · Answer 1

Thanks for your insights and advice. I agree that either in-home care or assisted living is more than appropriate, and will try to get her to visit the area ones. We have a doctor appointment soon, and he may be able to convince of at least more in-home care to have interaction with people.

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score 2 · Answer 2

I was very lucky that my mom wasn’t too demanding, but I called her almost every day and took her out shopping at least once a week. She was self-absorbed as well. I honestly think that comes from being old and alone. What else do they have to occupy their time but thoughts of themselves? My mom would sit and read the information that came with her medications and then have every side-effect listed.

Is there any way you can get her involved in a Senior Center or church group? Our city has a group of Senior Citizen volunteers who work at a food/clothing bank sorting, folding, etc. The oldest lady there is 103. A community transit bus picks them up and drops them off. One lady has been a volunteer there for 20 years.

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score 3 · Answer 3

My father was exactly like this. It came down to boundaries. I knew what I was willing to do and after that I just said NO. He ended up going to assisted living because I think he felt he was not getting enough attention. He still doesn't think he is getting enough attention.

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score 2 · Answer 4

Maybe Moms ready for N Assisted Living. There are many kinds. The one Mom was in mixed the residents. Dementia with people that didn't have it. I chose that one for price. The second one was a little pricy but separated the Dementia/Alz in another wing, locked down. Mom would have people to interact with. Activities,

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Unreasonable expectations of care from adult children. I wonder if these symptoms are real or faked to get more interaction?

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