My parents ages 90 and 88 are still in the 6 bedroom house where we all grew up (5 sisters). All of us, except 1, are married, responsible adults with families. One sister, who has always been a train wreck, has been living with them for years. Our home was always pristine- immaculate. Since sister moved in it is going downhill. When I went there to interview home health aides for Mom, the odor of dogs was overwhelming, my allergies kicked in too. I remarked that there was a bad smell (as I have remarked many times) . The next week my father called and lit me up "How DARE you come into MY home and say it stinks etc..." The real problem was that I criticized the fair haired daughter that can do no wrong. My Dad and I have not had a cross word since I was a teen, but this time around he said some things that devastated me and after 5 weeks he finally called again and said we should "forget it and move on"
He is 90...I get it....but I have been gutted by this whole thing and really don't want to go over there. I don't know that I can "forget it" yet I know he is not going to be here forever, so I have the guilt thing going too. I don't know what to do...Advice would be most welcome.
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I think your Dads call was an apology. But you deserve an "I am sorry". I would have said the same thing if I walked into my parents home and it smelled like dog. Actually, I have done it. Mom lost her sense of smell. (early sign of Dementia) Living with it day in and day out your parents may have gotten used to the smell. But, I have friends with dogs and have never smelled them. Your sister is not keeping them washed.
I did have a disabled friend with a lab mix. Her apartment smelled. When she went to rehab I volunteered to clean her apartment. Because she had a hard time cleaning, there was dog hair around the edges of the carpet and in corners. Most of the smell came from there. So I vacuumed really well. I then got a powdered shampoo and let sit over night. Vacuumed it up and by the time she came home the smell, was gone.
Ur profile says Mom has Parkinson's. As such, she probably can no longer clean. Maybe she secretly would love a cleaner house. Maybe you can suggest to Dad that you and other siblings give the house a good Fall cleaning. While you are all there, pull sis aside and you all tell her to take care of her Dogs. If she is living there rent free cleaning the house would not hurt her.
You are right- that call was an apology, in his own way.
I really appreciate your response.
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My Dad told me in the midst of his bout with Parkinsons-Dementia...to try to live your life without argument & enjoy it...anything less...wasn’t worth it. He passed away June 9th 2018. I’ve started digesting that advice...& thinking about how to employ it...in my relationships with family & those that I encounter in public.