Quick update on my FIL and the benefit specialist evaluation.

Glad to hear that your Mom is going to a therapist and that she is willing to go back and see them.  (For some reason, it just feels different when you cry while talking with someone outside of your family.)

Hope that the Surprise Birthday Party is going well.
 🎶🎂🎶

well i will start with my fil first. i know there will be good days and bad but yesterday was the worst i here ever experienced with my fil. it started out when i was taking him to the coffee shop. he started talking about how he isn’t getting any exercise here. i should never have asked but i did i said you work in the yard all day (pulling out more grass than weeds). he said that’s not enough i need to get my knees replaced. i told him once again that the doctor told him that they are not that bad and with your heart you would never make it through the surgery and he would not do it. i will find a doctor that will. i just said the surgeon that you would go to will not do it and if you go out of network you will have to pay for it. i said why don’t we wait till we see your doctor. then his friend brought him home and he got distracted in the yard again and i finally got him in saying that you missed lunch yesterday so please come in and eat. we were having a conversation about my brother and bankruptcies and he told me about his experience and he literally just finished his story and he started the same conversation right when he finished the first one. then we were having dinner (yes i made steak even though he still thinks he is a vegetarian) and we were talking about my sil where he was living previously and he got back on this piece of furniture. he is like i hope they have it yet. lee said you talked to her about it. he said he hasn’t heard back from her. lee again said you talked with her on the phone and she told you and you didn’t like the answer. then he said he will have to send an email to ross his son. lee just let it go. but it was really sad to see how bad it’s getting. but he might be okay today. there bad days are increasing. regarding my mom i am getting information for someone to come in for a couple hours a week. i am going to start slow. but good news. she went to her first therapy appointment and she is actually going back. she said she cried and they talked about a lot mostly my brother and my daddy. she said it was good to talk to someone who is not judging her or yelling at her. that’s another story for another time. so today is her big day. surprise birthday party 🎉. there are over thirty people coming. i know she didn’t want one but she really needs family and friends. she will hopefully see how much people love her and appreciate her. she still will say that she must not be any good if her son is treating her like this. i keep telling her that it’s on him and people love her. so that’s my update .?sorry one more question how does respite care work. thank you all. love you guys have a great day

i found out that nothing will really happen for my fil until october 1 and that’s the beginning. they will come over with ltc options but he really needs assisted living.

ac all he has is his social security we do charge him like 400 he makes 850. he buys his own food. i don’t know is that too much. i believe he will pay his ss check to them and then they give him back like 60 for the month.

Everyone with an income living in a house should contribute to the costs of running it, even if not a ‘capital rent’. I had a relationship with a guy who refused to charge his young adult sons rent, both of them on benefits and spending it on gambling and drugs. They had more pocket money than I have ever had. You don’t do anyone any real favours by being a martyr.

i talked to my fil coffee friend and he said that he didn’t remember having this meeting. but he did bring up again that he is going to get a place of his own. i think he was more adamant about it was because the last thing the benefit specialist said was that it wouldn’t be safe for you to live by yourself. also, he decided to walk home from the coffee shop. he knows the routine but we are thinking he is trying to convince us that he is getting better. he didn’t get far at all because my husband pulled up as he was leaving the parking lot. also he still thinks he jogs through the park every day. he hasn’t done that in 4 years and it was a very slow walk. he likes to make himself look good, he has all his life. then he comes home and said he is going to walk around the block which is really two long blocks up and across and two back and one across. my husband asked him what way he was going and just said i will see you later. this is a man who is wiped out walking from the car to the entrance of our house. i didn’t know what was happening until he was gone. lee said it’s cool outside let him go. well 25 minutes later he comes back. there is no way he walked that far and was not out of breath. he told me that he walked the whole way. i had called a neighbor and she said he sat down with her for about 20 minutes. she is right next door pretty much. i didn’t say anything to him. last night my husband even said he is really angry after dinner and last night i was laying on the couch watching tv and he was in his room watching tv or i am not sure what he was doing. i was hearing shuffling around and then he was cussing while he was on his computer. he was very short tempered. i feel bad. also, he is at the top of the waitlist for assisted living through medicaid. he has no assets and he only makes$850. we filed the paperwork for the long term farmily care program through medicaid in may.?we haven’t heard anything but the benefit specialist will see what happened because he is eligible since he is already receiving benefits through medicaid. DeeAnna thank you for the links for the ways Assisted living providers charge and the point system. it is great to know because who knows what will happen in the future with my mom. . sorry again for the long post and i don’t know if it makes any sense but it’s hard to explain how he was acting after the meeting and we think it ticked him off because they said he cannot live by himself. Thank you all for your support and information

Staff,
To update on your own posts, just type an answer in the "Light Green Box" below the information that you posted earlier and then click on "Post Answer".  The information that you wrote will show up under the  "ANSWER" column just like the rest of us.  It is nice to have you start a new post for new or different concerns or questions or for some updates because the "NEW" AgingCare" website is somewhat difficult to understand and sometimes it is hard to locate a posting that someone did a few weeks ago. 

I am glad that the Benefit Specialist understands that you and your husband are looking for an Assisted Living facility for your FIL.  Did you get a chance to look at the websites that I listed on your other postings?

It is very important to understand HOW an Assisted Living facility charges for resident care assistance and how the "POINT SYSTEM" works and how it affects the amount charged for caring for your FIL each month.

Visit several assisted living facilities before you choose one for your FIL.  Each AL has its own positive and negative aspects.

It is okay to be "FRAZZLED" 😵   We all get frazzled...sometimes on a daily basis! 
(I wish that I could have used a different FONT for that word to express it better.)

Listen to some 🎶, enjoy some 🍦, and everything will come out 🙆.   {{{Hugs}}}

I like u posting update.

So glad he has excepted an AL. Lots of responsibility taken off ur hands. I know, not all but a bigger amount. Keep updating. I love seeing how things work out.