Mother (89) has dementia. We lost our father last September, so I want to take her home with me. Any suggestions on how to do it?

Your profile says Mom has ALZ/Dementia. You need to realize that she will only get worse. Even in early stages they don't reason well. Have a hard time processing so not good at making decisions for themselves. It is no longer what they want its what they need. Do you want to continue this 24/7 care? Medicaid does not cross over State lines. Meaning Mom will not qualify for services until she has the residency she needs to qualify. Does she have enough money to pay privately for an AL or NH till she can apply for Medicaid?

The doctor needs to sit right in front of her, look her in the eye and tell her she can no longer live alone. Let him be the bad guy.

Have you discussed with Mom how you need to get back to your home and family but you can't because you're so worried about her? My mom is much more agreeable to helping me than she is to doing things because she needs them. So I need cameras installed in the house's common rooms so I can know she OK - otherwise I have difficulty focusing at work because I'm worried about whether she's OK.

I didn't have to talk Mom into moving, I had to talk Mom into moving Dad into MC. Mom didn't really care that her doctor said taking care of my father was impacting her health. She did care that Dad wasn't taking his medicine as prescribed or getting the monitoring his heart condition required. She did care that I was having to leave work 2-3 times a month to help with mini-emergencies.

Think long and hard about if YOU want to be the one to provide that 24/7 care.

Does she have a medical and financial POA? What kind of care will she be able to afford? If she is needing 24/7 round the clock care, I'm afraid you might find that it's going to be too much for just one person. She will in all honesty probably need memory care at some point.

First step I would say is bring mom to her doctor and have the doctor evaluate her and then sit down with both of you to go over what level of care she needs and discuss different options to come up with a plan to put into place to help meet those needs. Also, I would get the doctor's recommendations in writing in case you should need to seek guardianship in the event that mom is mentally incompetent and has no POA in place, and to present to health insurance providers, care facilities, Medicaid, etc.