Temper getting worse - A little steam release. Any suggestions?

Yahoo, I am so happy that you have help on the way. That must be such a huge relief.

Hugs BB!

I respect that you don't want advice but I'm going to give you some sympathy whether you want it or not 🤗🤗❤️

BuzzyBee,
First, know that others (wives) on this forum have experienced similar, so you are not alone in that situation.
I have read about it here, and a neighbor is going through it.
She goes to a neighbor's home, and gets out of the house daily.

As far as helpful lists, can you write the lists, as general reminders for both of you, then post it on the refrigerator?
Soon, you may find him referring to "your" list.

I am now able to have Attendance Allowance - Yippee

No advice or sympathy needed please.
I am just holding it together this morning.
He had me in tears this morning and I just needed to say it to someone, anyone really or I would burst.
Thank you

BB, have you tried telling him that his behavior is unacceptable and at the very least he needs to give you the courtesy he would a stranger. Better or worse does not mean mental or emotional abuse is okay.

Do you have someone helping you to get aid?

Hugs, it will come through soon!

Do you have any type of senior centers near you or can you get transportation to one that offers mens breakfast or lunch, maybe some billiards or a walking club?

Just thinking of physical things with other men, I know that it is important to connect to the same sex occasionally. We joke about how hard it is to only talk to your wife after a career spent with other men. Yikes! I'm thinking they should try our shoes for a day, I suddenly after 50 years need direction on vacuuming. Men need Male talk as much as women need female companions.

I hope it all starts coming together soon for you love.

Oh BB, what a terrible situation, you needing his physical care and him needing your mental care.

My husband told me the other day that he gets frustrated to the point of verbal outbursts because he screws up something he used to do with his eyes closed. I get it, it makes us confused and irritated, now learning to ignore the outbursts has been my challenge. I was grateful that he told me what was behind them.

Is it possible to get him to engage in new activities that challenge his brain in a new way, not the things he doesn't have to think about. Does that make sense?

How is it going for you to get help that takes some of the burden off him? I pray it comes thru quickly.

Does the UK have programs that work at keeping folks in there home? I hope they do, comes a time when relocating is not an exciting adventure.

Hugs to you love! 🤗

Buzzy I don't know your living situation but do you think it may be time to start exploring moving to a more supportive community? Given that he is your caregiver and you fear he may be slipping a little there is going to come a point where you two will not be able to manage successfully without help.

He is very reluctant to go to the doctors and at the moment I am positive he would not harm me.

His doctor is not my doctor (we are at different practices) Also his doctor would not discuss anything with me as its against his ethics - privacy and all that stuff.
I have an emergency mobile phone. But am not at the stage where I have to remove all sharp object.

Thank you for your concern though.
Buzzy

Your profile says that your DH has AD. Is that right? Is that who has the short temper and blows up? Being patient is awesome, but, I would encourage you to take it very seriously. If his anger worsens, it could turn violent and he may really harm you, himself or others. I see it in the news on a regular basis. It's due to the brain damage, but, it's still harmful.

I'd discuss it with his doctor, so they can test for UTI, other infections, illness, etc. to rule them out. Any change in mental status should be reported. If it's the dementia, I'd ask for geriatric psychiatrist consult and explore medication to help with his anxiety and agitation. Both are not uncommon with dementia. In the meantime, I'd make safety plan and discuss it with a professional in your community. I'd have ability to call 911 at all times and I would remove all weapons, including knives and sharp objects out of the house. Stay safe.

I do try and get him to go out walking, he loves that. BUT he is a little OCD and also gets diverted A LOT, so he is playing the martyr all the time. He refuses to write a list, he says he does not need one. If I try and remind him, he blows up. I think he knows he is losing the plot a little and wont admit it. Yet he will get me to write down stuff so I wont forget.

He loves pottering about in the back garden but as soon as he does something wrong, it is toys out of the pram and he 'starts'. I can calm him usually but it is making me so sad, and I am not usually a sad type of person. Sorry did not intend to ramble. Thank you for your suggestion. :)
I will be better tomorrow.
I need to watch a weepy movie or a comedy. ;)

Buzzy

People get a short fuse when they are constantly frustrated or feel backed into a corner, is there anything he'd like to do for fun that you can help him with, or any former interest that you can encourage him to return to - maybe just a regular day out with his mates??