My husband absolutely refuses to shower, or even change clothes. Any suggestions?

I'll share a suggestion from someone else (maybe Teepa Snow) that might help in the short term - "accidentally" spill a whole glass of water on him and then fuss about helping him take off the clothes and switching them out for dry ones. Hope this helps a little.

Another strategy is to have the doctor "prescribe" a weekly bath, then show him the doctor's orders - he may be more willing to comply with someone in authority. There are lots of threads on this forum about making the bathroom more welcoming like adding grab bars, a heater, a shower chair, a slip proof mat to the shower. Many people have abandoned the shower altogether as just too difficult and rely on sponge baths, disposable wipes or no rinse shampoos and bath products. But first you need to get those clothes off 🙄 (hugs)

I would discuss with his doctor. At some point, if the patient is that resistant to care, other measures have to be pursued. I'd explore that with his doctor and perhaps an attorney.

Raspberry, did you actually take him to the doctor in his dirty clothes, and the doctor said to hire someone? Or was this over the phone? I would suggest that another appointment be made, and in advance tell the doctor the hubby still refuses, and ask the doctor to tell hubby he needs a complete physical where he must change into a hospital gown. Tell hubby it’s mandatory to keep his insurance or some similar fib. Have a change of clothes with you to dress after the exam, and dispose of the old ones. It doesn’t directly fix the showering issue, although once the doctor gets a whiff of him he may insist a nurse give him a sponge bath or something. And it may convince the doctor that your hubby needs some additional medical treatment.
(Maybe your hubby thinks he has some skin or medical condition and is afraid of exposing it?)

Also, hiring an aide (preferable male?) to come out once a week to help with a bath may not be as expensive as you think. Probably $15-25/ per hour for maybe 1-2 hours.

Depending on his stage and what type of insurance you have you may be able to get someone to come in 2 to 3 times a week to do his bathing. Many aides are experienced in this and exude the authority necessary to get the loved one to listen. I care for someone who tries to convince me that she just washed her hair and had a bath so I should leave her alone. If she gets agitated I need to back off and change the situation and try again. Eventually they do give in.I make sure I have all I need near me,turn on her favorite music and distract her with getting her to sing along with me....Before she knows it we are all done . If this doesn't work I take a warm damp washcloth under her clothing .There are others that I just need to be firm with in the beginning and when I come in with my medical tags and scrubs it works. With loved ones they know they can get away with it. They know after a while you will give up because your exausted and have a million other things to do.lol. having someone come specifically to do the bathing may help. I do realize it's an inconvenience to get an outside person involved but your case seems pretty severe. Also, it seems by what you are saying that there may be an underlying reason why he isn't allowing his clothes and shoes to be removed even to sleep. I once cared for a Holocaust survivor who was convinced they had to hide from the Nazis so would not like their clothes to be removed just in case they need to run away in the middle of the night. Just putting it out there .Usually there is a reason.

Could you take him to the doctor to be evaluated? It sounds like he needs a see a geriatric psychiatrist or neurologist (possibly both) to be evaluated for underlying neurological and/or mental health issues. He is not thinking rationally and his poor hygiene is bad for his health.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Hopefully you will be able to get some answers and some help for him. Surely if the doctor sees him in his unkempt state, he/she will know that something is amiss.

He is content how he is

Could this be presented to his physician as a “threat to self”. I know in PA, people get an involuntary commitment if they are considered a threat to themselves or others. Seems to me , wearing the same clothes for 9 months has to be extremely dangerous to his health.