Why is my mom so hateful to me? Some days are great but the days that are bad are really bad.

I feel your pain. I'm going through the same problem with my mom. She was fine and lived independently till Feb 18 when she got pneumonia and soon as she went to skilled nursing she had dimentia and never got over it. She had breast cancer in March and broke a hip in May so each time she has gotten worse. She is physically much better but her mind will never be the same. She knows the family but comes out with some really weird comments about things. She is angry with me and I'm there at the facility every single day helping her with laundry, into bed, out of bed, whatever she needs - but it's always never right. She is negative and down all the time despite being on anti-depressant.

To make things worse my husband has Parkinsons and fell and broke his hip a week after mom - his Parkinson's progressed immediately and his dimentia is unmanagable for me at home so he is in the same facility. About a week ago he started talking horrible to me - accuses me of having a boyfriend, going out when I leave seeing him on my daily visit, telling me that we are getting a divorce, to quit stalking him, leave him alone, etc. etc.

Makes going to see them everyday very stressful and depressing.

Since the hateful speech is a long term problem, your mother may have some emotional issues she is taking out on you. You may remind her of a sister or cousin she had problems with as a child. The post-stroke brain dysfunction may have made this a lot worse.

For me understanding that my father had emotional issues from his abusive/neglectful childhood that resurfaced with his dementia made it a bit easier for me to cope with the hateful words. Some of them still hurt but a lot of them I can ignore now. Dad is so different now - cussing and abusive language is the norm when until the TIAs I could count on my fingers the number of times I had heard something like that from him.

Never believe that you deserve the abusive language. Your LO may not be able control herself much anymore and its very difficult to cope with, but that doesn't diminish your loving care.

You have such a big 💓. Mine goes out to you and I want you to remember that though you can't change your family, they will have regrets and you won't! They probably won't be happy with everything you do because it is easier to criticize when you aren't the one doing. And she might be taking frustration with everyone else out on you. Listen to your heart but don't forget to take care of yourself.
Hugs.