I’m devastated...My family is going through an eviction process. I can put my hubby back in Nursing Home, but where would I go?

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zrdc0523 Asked September 2018

I’m devastated...My family is going through an eviction process. I can put my hubby back in Nursing Home, but where would I go?

I’ve recently retired from working due to my own health issues, but decided to get my husband out of Nursing Home to care for him at home. Seems like I lost major support when I did that! His Dr wouldn’t cooperate with writing scripts for a lot of supplies my husband needed at home - especially his G-Tube feeding that costs $90.00 every 6 days!!! In short, I’ve used Rent money to care for him. Didn’t have ANY money to pay for September rent. Complaint was filed against us & I appeared in Court on 9/17/18. Since I had NO money to pay towards rent, payment arrangements could NOT be made. So, I’m sitting here crying, depressed, discouraged, going without necessary meds (lost my own coverage when I retired), about to lose my mind. I don’t know what to do! I’m doing a Volunteer Surrender of my car, because I can’t afford to keep up the payments or car insurance. And my SSA needs to help in caring for us, IF we’re able to keep the apartment. I can live with being without a car, but to be in the streets??? Oh my God!!!! There’s NO help. No one to borrow from because I can’t pay it back! I don’t have much time. October is right around the corner & September isn’t paid yet! I’ve never, ever been in this situation before & I’m frozen. Can’t seem to even put a plan in place. I’m scared...

Burnout Financial Planning

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score 1 · Answer 1

Are your 2 sons who live with you aware of the money problems and pending eviction? If your hubby is 86, these “kids” must be old enough to contribute more. Are they both working full time and paying rent to you? You could qualify for a senior apartment without them? What’s their take on this and their plan if there’s an eviction?

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score 0 · Answer 2

Thank you for responding so quickly. I feel a little down because I really thought it could work having Hubby cared for at home. I tried & I failed. Ok... We have 2 grown sons who live here & they help with him a little. Hubby has Medicaid, that pays for some things, but not enough. We come out of pocket for the rest... I did NOT expect to pay almost $450 per month for his G-tube feedings or for the extra diapers & paddings. Or test strips & lancets, hygiene products, extra laundry, etc.... Maybe I didn’t think it all through enough. I just wanted him out of the Nursing Home & after I retired, he wanted out of there, too. He’s 86! I didn’t want him to spend his last days in there. Another issue was bothering me..... After I retired, our total income dropped to $3,000/month. When I was working part-time, Medicaid required us to pay $850/month copay. Even that was hard. I live in Central New Jersey & not eligible for Housing Assistance. Not in Senior Citizens because we have kids who live with us, but not able to help out financially. They DO pay their own bills though. The more I talk about this, the worse it sounds. I know. Even if the Dr was against our decision, he has no right to try & force his choice. It’s all about the money to them anyway. I had complaints about the Nursing Home & didn’t like that my Hubby was getting NO therapy, no exercise, no nothing. He was just.... there. Waiting to get sick again & die. I’ve always believed if we could care for our loved ones at home, then we should.

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I understand. I wanted to apply for a Medicaid Waiver, but no one could explain what it paid for. We would have to open a trust and put $225 in there each month. As far as I understood, his Medigap and part D would come out of there just like they come out of our checking account now. Medicaid wasn’t paying for it, WE were.

Listen, my dear. If you have 2 grown sons, they absolutely need to step up. This is an emergency situation. No matter whose fault it seems to be, you need help. Are they going to sit by and watch football while their mom is in a homeless shelter? Tell them you need their help even if you have to sleep on their couch. They gotta wag their butts and help you guys out.

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score 3 · Answer 3

Go to your County Social Service office and ask for emergency help. Then get husband back in the NH. I think you have taken on more than you can handle. You will not be made indigent.

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I think you’re right, JoAnn29.

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score 0 · Answer 4

How did you plan on paying bills when you retired?

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Me & Hubby’s incomes would have covered the basics. It’s the unexpected extras that I didn’t allow for. And our children have to contribute something... at least towards groceries...

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score 0 · Answer 5

zrdc,

Where do you live? I have some G-tube food that may still be good and supplies (that definitely are) from someone I took care of that was able to get the tube removed. She just passed away a month ago, and I would love to be able to give these things away. I need to verify that food would be appropriate and not expired and if so, would send them at my expense. I really hope that this can work out!

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Thank you, Hope2009. I live in Plainfield, NJ. His feeding is Glucerna, Specialized Nutrition, 1.5 Cal in 8 ounce cans.

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score 2 · Answer 6

Please place hubby back in the nursing home as soon as you can. There are some sources for emergency rent that may be able to help with the Sept rent, please search on "emergency rent assistance".

When you have stabilized your finances and are sure your own health will allow you to properly care for your husband, please ask the nursing home social worker to help you plan a transition back home. She can help you with getting the prescriptions you will need or maybe refer you to someone who can help you develop a budget.

Depending on your own health issues, maybe you and hubby could share a nursing home room sometime soon.

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score 3 · Answer 7

Have you spoken to the social worker at the nursing home? Can you get hubby back into it? At least that way you would only have to worry about yourself and the finances may be easier.

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score 1 · Answer 8

Website: Nationalhomeless.org.

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score 3 · Answer 9

Oh dear. You know this was poor financial planning and it was ill-advised to bring your husband home. Since the doctor isn’t cooperating, it leads me to believe it was against their advice. Now you have a real mess.

In our city, we have an Emergency Assistance Center and I believe they provide shelter. There are also women’s shelters. Call your local Area Agency on Aging, Jobs and Family Services, Department of Human Services and anyone elae you can think of to beg for help. Get hubby into the NH. Hopefully he’s on Medicaid.

Good luck. Come back and let us know.

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To Ahmijoy: You sound like a very sweet person, but your comment concerns me. I don’t think this is poor financial planning. We’ve always been poor & have been somewhat blessed & content with that. I’ve heard of some of those agencies you’ve mentioned & will look into it, come Monday. I’m sure the Dr didn’t want my husband to come home, but why would he???? Do you know how much Nursing Homes bill the insurances each month??? But there’s no help like that available for the patient in their own home! It’s a sickening racket that I’m totally against! It’s all about the money with those places & not enough staffing. And even though I’ve met good, caring aides, they appear over-worked with lousy pay!
It might be true that I took on more than I thought I could handle, but I had to try. I won’t let my husband do without or suffer. If there’s no recourse, I will get him back in.

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I’m devastated...My family is going through an eviction process. I can put my hubby back in Nursing Home, but where would I go?

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