My husband is 87, has Parkinson’s and extensive dementias. He thinks I am having affairs or “entertaining.” What do I say to reassure him?

It is not a new insight that men think about sex more than women, and if you are coping with caring and working as well, sex may be the last thing on your mind. Perhaps if you could make a habit of getting into bed beside him every night when he retires, and at least cuddling for just a few minutes, it would make him happy and reassure him.

My mother was a prude the whole time I was growing up. Sex was NEVER mentioned in our home...ever. I learned about the birds and the bees from a baby book I found in the attic which I’m sure she left there for me to find so she didn’t have to have that talk with me.

When she went into the facility, she became obsessed with sex. 90% of her conversations were about how the residents and staff of the nursing home were all involved in group sex. I finally had to tell her one day to be a lady and ladies don’t talk like that. It helped, for a while. But, like your husband, she obsessed.

I learned there is nothing you can do to dissuade someone with dementia who is obsessing about something. Redirection is the key. Yiu can tell him and tell him that you love him and he’s the only one for you but in five minutes he won’t remember. Start talking about what happened at work, something amusing that has nothing to do with sex. If he becomes anxious or belligerent, speak with his doctor about anti anxiety meds. Good luck. I know it’s no fun.

So sorry you’re dealing with this - I can relate although my husband has just recently had moments of concern or suspicion that I’m ‘stepping out’. I don’t know that I have the right answers but I just continue to reassure him that I never have nor will I ever step out on him. I would also validate for him that it must be very scary & hurtful to think I would betray him and our relationship in such a way. I hope others who have experienced this will chime in. I’d love to hear others thoughts.