My mother with Alzheimer's keep on asking me if I know where her mother's grave is, and why we did not tell her that her mother had passed and then she cries without end!!!! She then wants to visit he grave to put flowers on. The mother died approx. 50 years ago and she was there. She threatens to walk to the cemetery which is in another city 600 km for were we are now. When she is like this she refuses to eat, take her pills and is just very difficult. The nurses would call me at work to speak to her as this would help her to calm down- and today I lost it completely as this is happening for more than a month now. Any advise to me how to handle this is appreciated.
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You will probably have to start using what we call the “Therapeutic Fib”. Tell Mom you’re busy today, but as soon as you have some free time, you will take her to the cemetery. I take it Mom is in a facility? Since you are at work and getting calls from them can cause you to get on the bad side of your supervisor, you can ask the staff at the facility to please not call you at work. They can use the Fib as well and tell Mom they’ll call you for her as soon as she eats her lunch, takes her pills, etc.
Mom’s brain is broken and to her, these obsessions are very real.. she is not capable of processing the fact that it’s inconvenient for you to bring her to the cemetery. Luckily, she can probably be distracted by the nurses and the aides.
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You cannot reason with dementia. There would be no reason to tell mom if she asks about her mom to tell her the truth.
I would give the facility direction on the sorts of responses they should provide when mom asks questions when the truth will upset her. If this is a memory care facility I am surprised that they are even trying to reason with her. They would know that the brain is broken and is not able to process information.