Did I do the wrong thing?

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cloudedgrad Asked October 2018

Did I do the wrong thing?

I am a 25 year old grad student who is assisting my mom by helping take care of my 56 year old father who has had some significant health issues the past few years. My dad is semi-indepedent but can't be left alone for 24 hours in the day fully yet. Tonight we got into a fight over a stupid dinner plate I was saving for a gift. We argued and he pushed me and tried to punch me (not hard) and I ran into my office and locked the door. I think I overreacted by calling 911. We all resolved it and he didn't get arrested. Did I do the wrong thing by calling the police in the first place? I feel really guilty for doing that to my dad.

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score 1 · Answer 1

A 56 year old man cannot be left alone all day? Is sounds like there are more problems with your dads situation than a 25 year old untrained person can deal with. You did not overreact and it’s good to have a police report so they will have background for any future incidents. Has he ever been forceful or mean to your Mom? Is his doctor aware of his outbursts?

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score 0 · Answer 2

If you called 'to get back at him' because you were angry, yes perhaps you did over-react. On the other hand, if he tried to push you around over a dinner plate gift, yes he certainly did over-react. Cwillie is right - you and your father both need to set some rules, and you should work out when and how to move away. You can't be a kid with a Dad who wants to be in charge, now that you are a 25 year old adult. That is true whether or not his behaviour indicates a declining personal situation. It's for you to sort out, whether or not your mother tries to calm things down.

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score 1 · Answer 3

You were physically assaulted. You did the correct thing in calling 911. If anyone should be feeling guilty it is your father, he is the one who assaulted you.

If a stranger pushed and punched you, would you feel guilty for calling 911? I would hope not.

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score 2 · Answer 4

If you felt threatened enough to call you did the right thing, sometimes people have to be called on their bad behaviour in order for them to acknowledge it and for any changes to be made. I think the next step should be having a frank discussion about where things are going from this point on, you need an end date for you to get on with your own life and that may mean your parents need to make some difficult choices about care for your father - it isn't your job to prop them up indefinitely.

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Did I do the wrong thing?

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