Am I wrong to depend on a chemical to help me cope? Isn't there a better way to deal with the exhaustion of caregiving?

Tiger, I have diabetes. Do you think it is wrong for me to depend on chemicals to keep me going?

I totally understand your concerns. I too resisted going on anti-depressants for two years. I am also almost 62. I had to do something because I was a mess emotionally. It is the best decision I made. Normal again. Give your brain time to heal. I joke now about drugs are good. I've always hated drugs but they saved my job and my family. It is only for a season not the rest of my life.
Blessings.🙏
Just a note it took 3 different kinds to get the right one to work with my body.

Real exhaustion takes a lot time to get over. Mine was house burning down, very nasty legal case, 10 years of stress. And you don’t bounce back quickly after a long difficult time. A real holiday (or even a move) helps. A change of scene forces you to think of other things. My own take on chemicals is that if it helps, take it in the short term. Just don’t get hooked, particularly on sleeping drugs or strong pain killers.

Lots of people have found that a short hours volunteering ‘job’ is a good way to get back into the workforce. Look for one with good company – not in aged care! And read BuzzyBees old site for a few minutes in the morning, it just has to make you smile. Best wishes.

Tiger, do you feel guilty because you aren’t going to visit so much? Don’t. It’s ok. I did the same thing. Didn’t seem to matter to my mom.

I have taken most about every anti-depressant out there. I can say with all honesty that none of them really made much difference. I didn’t feel like I was “on” anything. Don’t think if you take it that means you’re an addict. Try it. If it makes you feel better, great.

I am 65. In another life I was a preschool teacher. Now, I am a full time caregiver for my bedridden husband. We need some extra cash and I’ve begun looking for a part time job as a preschool aide. Will I be able to handle it AND caregiving? Who knows. They want two full days a week. Less than that wouldn’t be worth it. I’m being selfish. But I need to get out of this house or lose my mind. Right now, husband and I are fighting over his Congestive Heart Failure. He wants sausage, popcorn, lunchmeat, etc. I’m tired of arguing. I know I need to get out. You do too. You need something to divert your thoughts. Maybe not a fast food job, though. Too frantic. A hostess at someplace like Bob Evans? Take your time and pick out something you’ll really enjoy doing. And come back to let us know what you found.

I read your question and it took my breath. I said those very words to myself last night.

You lack motivation, because you're depressed. I hate that word, but truth is I've learned oh so much about it. Mine is situational depression and I expect yours is too. There are some drugs that will help, but finding the right one can take time. I've met people who say anti-depressants have changed their lives. I met a young woman who told me she couldn't leave her home and she became a recluse - until she started taking one. I personally took Lexapro for several months and then weaned myself off of it. Like you, I fear the long term effects and would rather not take anything - but I have to admit, it helped me for a while. Be aware that once you've taken an SSRI for any length of time, you have to withdraw gradually.

You are not too old to go back to work! Actually, it would probably be the best thing for you. You are taking steps to get your life back and I admire your strength. You've given SO much of yourself - I am in awe that you have been through so much and yet you're thinking of the future! Bless you! You can do this. Start by getting out more. Go shopping. Join a fitness center. Just get out! Then move on to finding work that you will enjoy and go for it. Good luck to you precious one. I just know you'll be OK. 💙

There are times when prescribed drugs have helped me through a very difficult time. I am holistic. I meditate. I jog. I generally eat healthy. Done in moderation and awareness, prescribed drugs are another way of taking care of yourself. Or myself. I am grateful to have them when I feel a need. You can try and if they do not help you, you can stop. Do exercise, do meditate, do support your well-being, do ask for support. Do set limits and boundaries. These behaviors, along with a prescribed drug, can be a very holistic way to live. It feels that way to me. I suffered enough.

I don’t think that trying out medication is a bad idea at all!! I was on Xanax and an anti depressant for quite a while through my Mom’s ordeal. I was her sole heir and POA/ medical POA for about five years as well . I started volunteering for a while first then my confidence went up and I went back to work.
i also would cry every time I visited her, and had the anger/ outbursts as well.
My Mom died about six weeks ago, and while I do miss her, it has been a relief!

Any anti-depressant, and I've been on lexapro for years, is a life-saver. We were not meant to work as hard at our age as care-giveing requires. PLEASE go for it! It just replaces chemicals that were naturally in the brain and have deteriorated with what we've been going through.

No, 61 is not too old to work in fast food, but I don't think that will cheer you up. :)

I'm very sad that those who are so opposed to anti-depressants think a person can just get up and go.
When you are in this state, it is not that easy. If herbs, friends, and other holistic helps work that is great but sometimes the anti-depressant will help get you balanced so you can do all the healthy route.
Yes, there can be serious side affects but so can there be if she does nothing. Been there.
It is easy to say, get out and set boundaries, but she's past that.
She shows definate signs of depression. Where is our compassion?

Another thumbs up vote for an antidepressant. I couple that with a visit to a counselor as needed. Sometimes once a month...lately every two weeks.
Lots of employers are desperate for good help and would love to have a motivated, dependable, mature person on board.

Go for it. Time to take better care of you.