As many of you know that my FIL is living with us. He has been approved for long term care through medicaid and the caseworker has sent referrals to two different assisted living places. She said they will be contacting me to set up another assessment to see if they can provide the care he needs. Well the other day, i told my FIL that I would be home at 12:30-12:45 to wait for me to take him to his coffee shop that he still goes to every day. He said to contact his friend to see if he could pick him up. I explained that he wouldn’t pick him up until 1 pm. He said he would take the bus. I said just wait. So I got back from my appointment and I walk in the door and I see a note that he walked down to take the bus. This is a pretty long walk. The time was 11:40. I go to the coffee shop and it’s now 1 pm and no FIL, so his friend told me that we cannot keep taking care of him. I obviously was really worried. his friend said he will text me if he shows up while I go to the bus station. I pull out of the parking lot and there he is. This walk is about a mile and a half with very steep hill. I kinda lost it with him. I yelled at him, of course, being in AA I felt awful and I was going to go back and apologize. However, I didn’t want to cause a scene. His friend dropped him off and I immediately apologized to him. Well he apologized to me.?) he said his friend talked to him about the way he speaks to me and how disrespectful he is. Then I think he doesn’t need to go to assisted living! I think he takes his medication if we put it out and he will make lunch for himself if he thinks of it. Have we underestimated him and maybe he can live on his own with the help of someone coming in in the morning to make sure he takes his medication and had breakfast and having them stop by to make sure he has lunch and then at night dinner and his medication? But then there are days when he is so confused. But Medicaid would cover the option I am thinking about. But I know that all the assessments say he cannot live by himself. Then I go back to, he isn’t that hard to take care of, he could stay here. I keep going back and forth with this. My husband has said we can’t keep doing it. Sorry for such a long post.
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I assume that the weather was great when your FIL walked to the coffee shop. NOW...imagine what could have happened if the weather had been "BAD", such as raining ☂ or snowing❄☃❄???? Would/Will your FIL ALWAYS remember to wear a heavy coat and hat and gloves if it is snowing? The sidewalks would have been slippery and the chance of your FIL falling down and possibly breaking a bone (usually it is a leg bone or a wrist that gets broken in a fall) would have doubled or tripled. Winter❄ is coming and that means the outside temperatures will be in the 20s to 40s degree range with Wind Chill of minus 10-30 depending on the strength of the wind. Is a cup of coffee really worth being lost in the rain or snow OR worth falling down and breaking a bone for?
I think that the other people have made some very good suggestions. Your FIL’s mental status WILL CHANGE from day to day or even hour to hour; however, his mental status is NOT going to get better--it is going to get worse over time. And as rocketjcat pointed out, your FIL DID NOT FOLLOW DIRECTIONS to wait for you to pick him up and take him to the Coffee Shop.
Since your FIL has been approved by Medicaid for LTC and a case worker is ACTIVELY looking for an Assisted Living facility for your FIL to live in; I think that you need to do the RIGHT THING and have your FIL live in an Assisted Living facility. {{{Hugs}}}
I think your indecision just may be the roadblock. We aren’t trying to insult you or be mean. You are a sweet, kind person who even though you’ve had a whole lot of crappy times in your life, has put everyone else first. I think I can speak for all your friends here who care about you (including me) when I say you need to pull the trigger on this. You’re not putting Dad on a slow boat to China. He will still be part of your life. Hopefully what his friend said about how he treats you will sink in.
Hows your fur baby? Hugs...❤️