How do you get an elderly man that you are caring for let you help him w/ changing his brief?

I'm sorry nobody else has chimed in with some better answers for you. The fact that you are paid to care for him complicates things, doesn't it, because I imagine the rest of the family expects you to gratefully shoulder the entire burden😒. Given that his intimate care needs will only increase perhaps it is time to renegotiate your role as a caregiver and look for other options.

I am the paid caregiver.He dislikes women helping him,and because I am family this makes it more difficult.He has burned bridges with his other daughter-in-laws from his rudeness.

If you stop to think about it not many of us would welcome having our DIL or SIL helping us in that way. I believe in doing everything possible to preserve the dignity of those with physical and/or cognitive decline and allowing them as much self determination as possible. Is there any way you can delegate this task to someone else, a paid caregiver perhaps?