My adult son is unwilling to accept his 89 yr old father’s dementia is the reason for his helpless behavior. He believes it is intentional.

My friend's daughter is like your son; she lives far away and visits a couple times a year, but is just sure her mom can do and manage much more than she does. She actually is cruel to her sometimes, when she gets her to do things that totally wear her out, or scare her because she's so afraid of falling, and is confused. The daughter is in denial, not doing these things on purpose, but there is no reasoning with her... I hope your son can learn to be more understanding.

Your son would do you all a favor by going to a dementia support group and/or studying up on dementia behaviors.

My heart goes out to you. Perhaps if your son talks to the Doctor or starts going to some support groups it will help. I know a lot of people just don't understand what is going on with dementia. If your son becomes cruel you may have to separate them. I believe one of my daughters would be this way toward me, I am doing everything I can to see she never has control of me.

Your son is making an EXCUSE FOR HIMSELF.

BEWARE, YOUR SON COULD BE GOING BY YOUR BACK TO GET MONEY FROM GRANDPA.

People who take advantage of the situation
1. FAMILY MEMBERS
2. IN-HOME-CARE
3. PHONE CALLERS WHO GIVE A SONG/DANCE REASON TO GET MONEY SO THEY ARE GIVEN CREDIT CARD NUMBERS/DEBIT CARD NUMBERS/CODES/BANK ACCOUNT NUMBERS. IF THEY HAVE THIS AS WELL AS THE CODES....IT'S CALLED A COMPUTER PORTAL AND SAY GOODBY TO DAD'S MONEY
4. EMAILS FROM PEOPLE WHO CLAIM THEY NEED MONETARY HELP. "I HAVE $$$ IN AMERICA BUT I CAN'T ACCESS BECAUSE I'M IN NIGERIA AND THE US WON'T LET ME. IF YOU WILL SEND ME $10.000, I'LL BE ABLE TO GET TO AMERICA AND I'LL PAY YOU $20.000".

These are just a few scams that happen to not only to the elderly, but anyone thinking they're helping or thinking they'll be making a lot of money.

Get an emergency guardianship/conservator, go to the bank and freeze accounts, including investment accounts with instructions should your Father call or come in with anybody but you....CALL!!

IF YOUR SON IS DOING ANYTHING LIKE ABOVE, REPORT TO THE ELDERLY ABUSE DEPARTMENT IMMEDIATELY!

ANYBODY DOING THE ABOVE CAN BE ARRESTED FOR ABUSE OF AN ELDERLY PERSON FOR FINANCIAL GAIN, EVEN YOU COULD YOU BE REPORTED. I was by my Step-sister thru the Bank but APS couldn't find anything. I'm a former banker so I know what is required to handle Mom's money.

Conservatorship places VERY STRICT rules as to what you can/cannot do regarding Dad's money.

A DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT AND DOES NOT COVER THE ISSUES YOU NEED TO BE COVERED.

**YOU'LL NEED A DETAILED LETTER FROM HIS DOCTOR**

Good luck

In my experience with my mother, yes, her personality has change a lot. She to is in the early stage. There are days when my mother comes out, but most days I don't know who she is.


Perhaps your son is having a hard time excepting his father is getting older and is becoming someone different.

I am sorry that you and your son is going through this.
I am aslo sure there will be others here to help you.

Good luck.

Oh, this is heart-breaking. I'm so sorry you are all facing this.

First things first, yes dementia does cause personality changes. What sort, typically, will depend on what sort of dementia your husband has.

You will find alz.org a very useful source of information about the various types of dementia. Teepa Snow too is highly recommended as a wonderful educator for caregivers - just google her and follow the links.

It is understandable that your son is unwilling to accept his father's dementia, and determined to believe that his father can resist it if everyone only tries hard enough, or that the diagnosis must be wrong. I remember feeling - ridiculously, but I did - insulted when my mother's vascular dementia was first mentioned.

When did you learn of the diagnosis?