Should I stay with Mom for Thanksgiving?

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VADCVA Asked November 2018

Should I stay with Mom for Thanksgiving?

This past summer, we decided that it would be best for all of us if mom went to assisted living. She wasn't happy with us, and we were all fighting. She is doing better, but this Thanksgiving will be the first time she is there. Of course, I have tremendous guilt (I'm working on it) and we have not seen my husband's family in 4 years because of caregiving and her difficulty in traveling due to PD. I honestly believe that no one should be alone for Thanksgiving, and although they are having a special luncheon, I still feel that perhaps I should stay? If I stay, I won't see the other half of my family (in-laws), my husband and my step-kids (one of whom is off to college next year).

I have thought about staying and doing another dinner with the kids, etc. but then I think--I need to have a break too and maybe it would be nice to escape. I just don't know. Any suggestions or support is welcomed :) Thanks so much for helping!

Assisted Living Care Decisions Mom

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score 0 · Answer 1

Thanks for the update. Glad it all worked out.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Hi all! Been a while...just wanted to say thanks! I ended up having 2 thanksgivings :). Went to mom's in the early afternoon and drove up to see family for the rest of the weekend. I appreciate the support!!! -VADCGRL

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score 2 · Answer 3

Go visit your husband’s side of the family and enjoy the Holiday. Your mom will get through it, it’s one holiday, and you need to recharge your psyche and get some rest. It’ll be a pleasant break.

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score 3 · Answer 4

After mom was in NH, we never spent actual TGday with her. The facility had their own big "do". We gathered with mom on a weekend either before or after and had a second Thanksgiving feast, a tradition we started years before to make sure that everyone got to see all sides of their family each year for Turkey day.

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score 2 · Answer 5

GO! This is why Mom is in an AL so you can have time for yourself. If you can, take her out to lunch before or dinner. Tell her because you r spending TG this year with Husbands family, this is your little TG together. If Mom says anything tell her its only fair.

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score 3 · Answer 6

Join your husband's family and ENJOY it. They will appreciate it, so will he, and you will have a very well-earned holiday.

Leave your mother a present to have with her TG dinner, and maybe some treats to share with her fellow residents. The staff will make more of a fuss of residents whose families aren't there so she will have a lovely time, and she'll be more inclined to join in without you there, and she'll know you thought of her.

No guilt! GO!

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score 1 · Answer 7

Since you've devoted your holidays to your mother for the last few years, I think it's quite reasonable to spend the next few with your other side of the family. It sounds fair to me. I get it about Thanksgiving, but, you can spend a different day with her that you designate your Thanksgiving celebration day. Can her local family share a meal with her the week before or after Thanksgiving? With my family, there were so many people, inlaws, adult children, etc. that we had to make changes in the timing of visitations. It's not possible otherwise. You can alternate years, so it's fair to all.

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Should I stay with Mom for Thanksgiving?

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