How to tell when cognitive decline is no longer normal?

When my mother was at this stage we mentioned it to the doctor when she went in for a check-up. He did the standard questionnaire and she did quite well (scored 28 out of 30). Having this as a baseline was very helpful. When we went in 5 months later (due to us noticing that she had gone downhill quickly), and she scored only a 5 out of 30, it was clear something had happened. We moved forward from there with more testing.

So even though your Mom is still functioning well, it might be good to get a baseline test with her regular doctor.

I've been dealing with my 92 year old dad for about 3-1/2 years now. At that time, he had been diagnosed with 'mild cognitive impairment' and was still doing well on his tests. He still had a good handle on paying his bills and handling his affairs. Fast forward to 2018. He tested very low earlier this year. He is in full blown dementia. The things I have noticed that have changed in these 3 years is that his anxiety level is much higher now, even with the help of medication. On the bad days, the phone calls don't stop. He is confused, defiant, frail (walks with a walker full time now) and most of all HE HAS NO SOCIAL FILTER. His outbursts with people, in stores, etc. are embarrassing. We had a go-around at the tire store this weekend where he was so rude to the staff, I walked out. (He doesn't drive any more but the caregivers drive his cars). I was awarded guardianship and conservatorship a few months ago. However, he is at the point where he is trying to hang on to everything so tight and it is creating a lot of friction between us. I don't discuss the conservatorship much and we have allowed him to maintain one checking account of his own where he is allowed to pay the monthly bills for his house such as utilities - I write the checks, he signs them. (Yes, still living on his own with help from caregivers.) He had a total meltdown this weekend when he found out that I've contacted the caregiving company to have them send the bills to me instead of him so I can pay them from the conservatorship. Now he's not speaking to me. He wants me to bring the checkbook to his house and sit and pay those bills right in front of him so he can see what I'm doing. I said 'no'. Oh, yeah, did I mention he's a bit of a control freak? I'm exhausted mentally every Saturday when I get home. Lately I have been thinking back to where we were 3 years ago. Things are definitely different. We have a geriatric psychiatrist and she has been a big help in sorting this out.

Please make sure she has legal papers in place: DPOA, HCPOA, will, etc.

I'm most concerned about what you say about her being easily influenced. Has her cognitive ability been formally assessed at all, even just by her PCP?

My MIL took a similar path. She was able to be quite social with neighbors and friends but slowly lost the ability to organize her life. She forgot how to use the washing machine and said it was broken (it wasn't).Her reading and writing skills were the next to go. She stopped cooking and just ate snacks. She couldn't take meds on time and so on. Dementia is a loss of functioning, not just memory.

The first things I notice with my mother was: losing her words ( talking just fine than somewhere in a sentience she wouldn't be able to find the right word), started repeating herself (not a lot at first), would talk a lot on some days & not so much on other, than she started becoming withdrawn.

Go to online Alz.org it is loaded with information & you can call them toll free and talk to some there about your concerns and they will guide you and send you a list of symptoms.

This is what I did & they were a big help.

Good Luck to you and your mom.

I noticed first I’d say remember when....&he’d say no I don’t remember. My first clue. Then repeating in same day same thing. Ok time for neurologist as primary doctor said just getting older but to please me started him on aricept. That was 12 years ago & full blown Alzheimer’s now but sweet as can be except at bedtime. He must have his covers just so w no wrinkles. I finally got wise just let him sleep on top of covers or what ever cause in a min. all is forgotten. Paper work began to confuse him. 3rd clue. You might ask if you two could do her paper work together just so you would have knowledge in case she ever needed help. Whatever you do love her, assure her she’s safe & if she has any questions since your mind is younger just ask me.

I’m concerned when you say easily influenced. My Mum has a “friend” who always was in need of money-that’s how I found out that she was declining. Make sure your Mums finances are in order and that she can’t access too much of it at once.
Otherwise I’d only noticed a couple of odd comments now and again. Things you just brush off. In retrospect I shouldn’t have. Using incorrect words. Smoke instead of fog even when just corrected, seeing a shadow in the road in front of her house and wondering if the city is going to charge her to fill it.
Complaining about the neighbors noise and it sounds like they are tunneling towards my house!
Make sure POA and will etc are all done.

This is exactly how my mother is. I see her and within 5 minutes her decline from the past visit is very noticeable.

Missing words, repeating herself over and over, losing her train of thought-she covers pretty well for those who don't know her, but for me, it's obvious.

Not much to be done, really. Until she cannot dress, feed or perform her daily living needs, she just needs to be kept safe (she is) and looked after. Living in my brother's home is fine for her. She's 88 and likely will live 10 more years.

Even if/when she becomes seriously embroiled in the dementia world, I don't think we'd ever get brother to agree to have her placed in a NH.

My 87 year mom seems very similar to yours in many ways. If the behavior you mentioned has increased quite a bit since her move, I would think that the change in her living arrangements has precipitated the change in her behavior.

Being more easily influenced by others is a significant sign. Also, her more frequent calls may not be a growing neediness, but instead a method of mentally steadying herself; she's noticing the "slipping", and isn't ready to admit it. She'll go to great lengths to hide it.
My mom has Parkinson's so I knew that dementia was in our future. After awhile of noticing some of the little symptoms, she had a significant downturn. Her doctor and I couldn't pin it on anything physical or her meds, so I asked for a cognitive assessment. The results were startling ... late stage Alzheimer's disease; she'd managed to hide it very well. The diagnosis explained a lot of what I had written off as part-dementia and part-she's a challenging patient. It's easy to disregard the little things as "she tired", old age and such.
Your mom may be difficult when you bring it up because (1) she's been such a vibrant woman and (2) mental decline carries a huge stigma for people her age. But, don't either of you sweep it under the rug. There are meds and therapies that slow the progression of the illness IF it is caught early. The discussion will be hard, but you'll both be better for it