Husband won't let me clean his room. Do I just forget it?

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M

M209M209 Asked November 2018

Husband won't let me clean his room. Do I just forget it?

Husband is alcoholic retired age 69. He has a room for his computer, memorabilia, etc. It is a filthy mess. The dogs stay in there with him so does the dust and dirt. Beer cans in bags on the floor. His "stuff" - shoes he never wears, books he never reads, magazines, other things of his either broken or not used - lays on the floor. The closet is packed with things he never wears or uses. Desktop has pile of whatever - papers, more things. When I try to clean or straighten he becomes defensive. "Don't touch my stuff". Is there a way to approach this without his angry flare-up? And yes there is anger on both sides. I despise the filth and junk. Room was repainted and refloored 2 years ago - at my expense- and has become a dump. Do I just close the door and forget it?

Care Decisions Spouse

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score 1 · Answer 1

Is it financially possible for you to make him a “man cave” in your basement or garage or maybe even construct a “he shed”? My husband’s favorite aide at rehab had a significant other who had his man cave in their garage. He had a television, heater, refrigerator, grill, and muc more. He and his mess were out of her sight.

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score 1 · Answer 2

He’s a grown man, not a child, so you shouldn’t have to clean his room. But I would draw the line at the bags of stale beer cans. They probably contribute the most to the smell, so I would insist that at least on a weekly basis the bag goes to the 5 cent can redeem place. Tell him you’ll take them and leave him the money. I would be concerned if he’s in charge of paying the bills and can’t find things on his desk, so I’d watch closely for late notices etc. The rest I’d let him wallow in and shut the door.

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score 1 · Answer 3

I would try cleaning up some things when he's not in there or when he is not liable to walk up on you and see you doing it. A big, major clean-up is probably out of the question but try one day to get the bag of beer cans out. Another day grab the books. Do it in increments, gradually, and not in a way that he'd notice. Leave the desktop alone, he'd probably notice that.

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Husband won't let me clean his room. Do I just forget it?

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