My husband passed away peacefully on Sunday, following an 8-day hospitalization, a three week stay in a skilled nursing facility and 24 hours at home in hospice. His family were all here and it was a relatively easy passing. Now I am riddled with guilt about the angry feelings that were a big part of his final months as I tried to deal with his violent behavior-a horrible part of frontal/temporal lobe dementia with vascular issues as well. His passing left me at once relieved and in deep mourning. And now that I am no longer a caregiver, who am I? To top it off I will, on Dec. 1st, lose nearly half my income, as his pension plan is that kind. I guess I really knew this, but the reality of it is going to kick in soon. There is no life insurance, and our home was sold in May with a move to a small apartment, allowing money to pay off a few bills and the many expenses his illness requires, yet one that I will no longer be able to afford, but for which I signed a year long lease in August. I alternate between determination to get paperwork done, planning a committal service, being absolutely numb and shedding tears of loss. The one light is that we had purchased a funeral plan that has been a true godsend. I try hard to remember the years when we were happy. He was a quiet, yet funny and joyfully talented man I fell in love with the night we met. I am alone for the first time in 38 years, and my fear grows daily.
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Write down the numbers and look at them. Present fears are less than horrible imaginings. It will then be clear whether or not you can let this go. If you can't keep the apartment even with reasonable economy, then you need to negotiate an early termination of the lease. Was there no break clause at three or six months? Even if not, in the circumstances it's reasonable to expect some latitude from the lessor.
Ideally you could place this in the hands of a trusted friend or advisor. Do you not have anyone to turn to?
The thing is, you need to be free to sit still and grieve. Once this very real problem is under control it will stop polluting your thoughts and you can take the time you need. Otherwise I'd say don't try to do anything at all until you're ready, but I think the worry is really making the pain worse, isn't it?
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Baby steps. Funeral first then SS to find out what u can receive. Give yourself time and baby steps. Talk to ur landlord, maybe he will be willing to let u out of the lease under the circumstances.
I am very sorry for your loss. No matter how close death is, it always seems to bring with it a measure of surprise.
I know you only had the one day of hospice but they do have grief counselors. Perhaps they can help you begin to piece the bits together.
i hope you can get some good rest before you tackle all the logistics.
Hugs
So very sorry for your loss and the emotions that you are having and facing. Praying for you.
You will be ok, it is still very fresh.
If your husband we’re still here, I suspect he would want you to focus on managing your finances and practical matters to the best of your ability without worrying over his last months. He would want to know you are safe and not distracted by unnecessary guilt about him. Cry when you need to cry to let it out but don’t dwell as it will make your present more difficult. My condolences for your loss and may you find strength to address your practical matters one step at a time.
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