Why are my memories of Mom before Alzheimer's fading?

Caring for my mother at home 24/7 as she died of cancer was horrific. It was a long long time before the pain of that faded – certainly more than Dolciani’s two years. It’s easier to remember long ago times, than just before things all got so difficult. My mental image of the memories is like standing on a plain looking towards a mountain range. When you are too close, the foothills block out the view of the mountains. As you move further away, the foothills shrink down and the mountains stand out clearly.

My Mother passed away 2 years ago after dealing with severe Alzheimer’s for 6 months. She lived with us during that last 6 months and was in/out of the hospital and rehab during that period. She went into a hospice facility and died there a week later.
I still am having difficulty remembering the good times - I am 66 and the last year of my Moms life is still in the forefront of my memory about her. We had a great relationship, I was an only child, she was also my best friend, yet those good times faded far from my mind. People say “it takes time”, yet, even at holidays, I can’t seem to bring up those good memories. My father is still living with us and we hardly talk about her even though she was a wonderful force in our lives. So, I don’t buy the idea that it’ll come back - two years later, and it’s not happening for me. Wish I could have given you more hope.

Thank you Ahmijoy and Countrymouse,

I think maybe it's the mental confusion part mostly which has gone on gradually for maybe 9 years that it is so difficult to remember how she was when she was well.

My husband was only sick 8 months before passing of acute leukemia and was still very alert. My children are grown and gone and with my husband gone there is no reason to stay by myself and I am a retired nurse so did this for a living. My sister is also here so is a big help.

Just odd, I remember every tiny thing about my husband and continue to grief for him to this day even at 8 years out so maybe another reason not to be in my own home.

You are in the trenches caring for a lady with late stage Alzheimer's Disease, with a year's full service under your belt and no certainty about the future.

And then you say "for some reason" you're finding it hard to access your much, much happier memories of your mother. For some reason? Can't think why?

Give me a minute to think of a parallel. I know.

If you were in the dentist's chair having root canal treatment, do you think you'd remember at that moment all the nice things you'd enjoyed eating and the great photos of your smile?

This part of your mother's life is important, too, and it has value of its own. But ohmygoodness it is not fun, and it can be very difficult to see beyond what is happening.

Your perspective will come back. You will recover from the trauma of your mother's disease. But it can take a long time, and especially depending on how the caregiving goes. Do you have practical and emotional support? Are you also looking after your father, or is he mainly independent?

I think it’s probably because Mom is still here and you are still devoting your time to caring for her. When my mom was in a facility with dementia all I could concentrate on was her ravings, hallucinations and delusions. It wasn’t until she had passed (2 years this week) that I began to remember her and what a devoted mother she was.