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SandwichGen18 Asked November 2018

Need advice...Dad is in AL with vascular dementia. Do we tell him that we moved Mom out of the house?

We moved Dad into AL when he started getting aggressive with Mom and others. He needed help with meds and some ADLs. Mom didn't want to continue to ramble around in a large empty house, so we moved her to a Continuing Care Community where she has a one bedroom IL apartment (not the same place that Dad is at). I worry about the stress factor on dad of telling him that we have moved mom out of the house and are preparing it for sale to pay for their care.


He doesn't seem to be worried about her being alone in that big house, doesn't mention it, or ask to go back there.


Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.

SandwichGen18 Nov 2018
His mind is still fairly sharp at times. It was their “dream home” and will be upsetting to him to see it go. So times mom slips and mentions her place and we just redirect the conversation and he doesn’t seem to catch it.

JoAnn29 Nov 2018
I see no reason to tell him. He will probably forget you said anything.

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anonymous594015 Nov 2018
I would not bring the subject up and I would practice (out loud) deflecting the topic if he does bring it up. "Oh the house! We have such nice memories there! Remember the time..." or "Oh, yes, I meant to ask you.,,some question about how old he was or who he worked for when they got the house." I hope that works and I hope your mom enjoys her new home.

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