I'm 45 live in Oregon and my parents in the Midwest. The other siblings live on the east coast. I'm looking at quitting my job and moving back to help become a caregiver. I would be fine financially. I'm just kind of processing this idea because I am currently sitting in the emergency room because my mom may have a blood clot in her lungs. My dad has done an amazing job so far but now my mom is needing more care. My parents would come unglued at this idea because they don't want to be a burden. But right now it is a burden to us children that no one is nearby. Anyone experience this?
5 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I think what would help you to assess your choice here would be to write down and plan for all of the worst case scenarios, because they might come to pass. And you're not going to leave your parents when they're even more vulnerable than they are now, so plan for that. Read these threads about similar situations.
If you're financially independent, then there may be no reason to protect yourself from the financial hit you will take by being the family caregiver. Most people aren't financially independent, though. A Caregiving Agreement could be made for you to be paid for the help you give.
ADVERTISEMENT
But what are you giving up, friends?, do you have family? significant other? This is a big decision. Packing up everything an moving halfway across the country not easy.
Can you easily get a job here in the Midwest so that you can HELP with Mom not take over? You do not want being her caregiver your life. I bet she would not want that either. (And you do not want to permanently move in with your parents either.) Well maybe if they have an "In-Law" set up that might work. You need your space and life and they do as well.
You can help coordinate care, you can help out when Dad needs a break, you can help hire one or two caregivers. (I found the best caregivers through the local college that has a CNA program. Less expensive than going through an agency but there are drawbacks to that. Taxes need to be taken out and insurance...)
Find Adult Day Care having Mom go a few days a week gives her a break, Dad a break and she gets stimulation that she might not get at home. Many provide transportation. If Mom is a Veteran the VA might be able to help as well.
Bottom line think long and hard about this before you uproot your life. Do so only if you can relocate easily, find a job here that pays you as much, with the same benefits that you currently have. (Or better)
And one other point..will this cause any stress or resentment between you and siblings that are not going to uproot themselves? You on the West Coast and them on the East Coast..it is a toss up as to who is further away. Why would it be you that does the move?
No, I don't think you should quit a job and caregive. You have 21 more years until full SS. Believe me, you want all the years you can put in. No work not much SS. 45 is not old but if u put out in 10 yrs of caregiving, its going to be hard to find a job at 55. Things will change big time and your skills now might not be what u need then.
Can you get a job in their state. Dad takes care of Mom during the day, you help at night. While there, see what services are available. The hospital Social Worker should be able to help.