I’m 21 years old, I’ve been taking care of my dad since I was 15 to the point where I had to leave school and get my GED quick to be his full time caregiver. Now as I’m growing it’s like I can’t live because he wants me to tend to him 24/7. I haven’t been able to go to college, get my own place etc. He makes me feel guilty because he doesn’t have anyone to take care of him.. but he can afford help he just denies it at ALL COSTS. It really is affecting me emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. To add unto it all, my dad is a very verbally abusive parent. He’s always talking crap about me behind my back, always saying how I’m a bad daughter cause I don’t do enough and so forth. He doesn’t let me sleep most nights just SCREAMING cause if he’s in pain and can’t sleep NO ONE else should be sleeping. I get he is very sick but at times I feel like he’s so manipulative it’s hard.. I need help.
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If he is able to afford the services he needs, you should use them. Maybe he doesn't want to be left with complete strangers, or embarressed for somebody else to do certain tasks , such as taking him to the bathroom. In which case, be with him while the other caregiver is there to see if he/she would be a good fit for your dad.
Everyone needs time away from their parents, its just human nature. You need time for yourself to just live, breathe, feel like an independent individual instead of a sidenote/sidekick. Allow another caregiver to take care of him for a couple hours so you can figure out what you want to do with your life. Being expected to take care of him always is very giving & self sacrificing on your part but if he can't appreciate your help and all that you do(which is probably a lot) then you need to do something that'll make you feel appreciated and worthwhile. You need to tell him how much your burned out and what you need; not his needs , not about him. If he can't compromise(or at least give you an ear) then you need to leave him & start living your life. keep coming around to prove that you do care.
If you r living with him, save your money and get a place of ur own. Do not quit your job. Dr. has told Dad he needs more care, you don't need to be the one to do it.
If he is living with you, the next time he is hospitalized tell them you can't care for him. The doctor says he should be in a home, that will be a good time to have him evaluated for one.
Are u in the US? I ask because I can't believe that when u left school someone didn't question why. A 15 yr old should never had to care for someone.
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To me, getting out of a toxic situation is vital, imo. You may not be able to change him, but, you can be your own advocate. His demands and criticisms don't sound very reasonable. Perhaps, allowing him to make his own arrangements would be something he could consider.
Are you the only caretaker for your father? Do you have siblings? Where is your mom? Your fathers siblings, his parents. Is it in your culture for the daughter to care take her parents at such a young age?
You list an extensive number of health challenges for him. To whom does he address his remarks about you? Do you have health professionals coming to your home?
Does your dad drive? Does he see physicians? Are you involved with this medical visits, giving him his meds, speaking with his doctors?
Give us more information on your situation so that we can give you a better idea of how to go forward.
I know it will be hard, but as you are an adult now, it's time to make a life for yourself. Do you have anyone in your family or friends who might be willing to support you in a decision to leave and begin your life?