My dad who has dementia lived with me for 7 months was very demanding and wanted 24 hour a day attention. He treated me as if I were 12 years old. For some reason he collapsed in July and ended up in hospital. Thus began the journey of 2 hospital stays and 2 rehab facilities in a course of 5 months. In the rehab facilities he was hallucinating and seeing “things”. He wouldn’t eat and the dr told me to enjoy my last days with him. The doctor said he needed constant supervision and needed to be placed in a memory care unit. I made the decision to place him in a memory care unit because of his problems and especially with the hallucinating and not knowing who we were. We found a memory care facility for him and he’s been there for a month. He’s made a turn around in eating and remembering more things but is still confused about other things. He is taking therapy at the memory care unit for his legs and told me that he wants more exercise to get stronger because he wants to get out of there. He doesn’t even realize he’s in a memory care unit. The facility is very very good and taking care of him. He now has a problem that he has diarrhea all the time and has to be taken care of constantly. He also needs supervision because he uses a walker and his balance is bad. I feel bad because he keeps saying he wants out of the facility and wants to come home. I have a bad back and my husband had three back surgeries and I don’t think I can take care of my father physically. I just feel guilty when he says he wants to come home and to have it like it was before he went to the hospital. This weighs heavily on me. The other side of me says he is doing better because he’s in the schedule routine and he’s receiving his medications at the same time every day and eating at the same time every day. I had a hard time when he was here before and couldn’t schedule things because there was constant interference in what I was doing my trying to take care of my dad.
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You have to develop an armor against statements like my mom’s. My mantra was “safety first, safety first” & “safety first”. Lol but not funny. It kept me sane.
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You know it is best for him and you that he stay where he is. He is getting a level of care you cannot provide at home.
Please do not feel guilty, you have not created this situation his declining health is the reason. There is no going back to how it was.
A month is not a long time for him to adjust to his new surroundings. Have you asked the staff for suggestions on how best to manage the transition?