Why does MIL have attitude changes in the evening? I'm so stressed!

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Momof5and8 Asked December 2018

Why does MIL have attitude changes in the evening? I'm so stressed!

My MIL lives with us and I am her full time caretaker for over a year, and of course she gets upset with me for being what she calls bossy some times. (She has dementia) but the last couple of weeks she is fine during the day but around 4:30 or so she starts getting hateful and starts refusing her meds and her breathing treatments. When my husband gets home, around the same time she acts like I've been mean to her all day. He knows that's not true but then she gets worse as the night goes on. Now in the evening she is refusing to eat and complains that she feels sick, (She is on meds daily that is suppose to be taken with food.) The same meds she has been on for over a year. I usually just get mean and tell her if she doesn't eat, take meds, or what ever, that she is going to the hospital. Is this normal for dementia?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Sundowner's Syndrome

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score 0 · Answer 1

She is already going through the suspicions stage. She (picks) she calls it sorting through everything in her room daily and thinks we are stealing her things and trying to cheat her out of her money. Its just me and my husband but lucky for me my kids visit 2 times a week. I have 5. She doesnt think her son is stealing, she always say's its me and my kids. They are grown, and do not belong to my husband. They love her and it bothers them when she says things but they know she can't control it. She is on 2 different meds to help with her anxiety and depression but it they dont seem to be working.

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score 0 · Answer 2

I had to go along with the sundowners as my mom needed to lock doors, close drapes, turn out lights, tv off, no noise, because as night approached she got scared that someone was out there watching us, ready to intrude, rob, kill, whatever. It was when she would get suspicious of everyone, including me. Everyone was out to cheat or take advantage of her, when actually we were all trying to take care of her. It must be some sort of basic animal response to night time. She got better about this as the dementia got worse. She eventually even forgot to lock the doors once in a while. She was in a very safe neighborhood, so no big deal. Now in assisted living she is not scared at all in the evening, but does keep her drapes closed in her room.

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score 0 · Answer 3

Thank you for the info. I use to work with advanced Alzheimer's patients but I came home after my shift. Being a live in caregiver is harder than I expected. My shift never ends so this is all new to me. Even when she gets agitated, Its only at me. Never my husband. The doctors have done everything they can but we have no idea what stage she is in with her dementia and we watch her decline daily. It is happening faster than we thought it would. So heartbreaking to watch this happening right before our eyes.

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We give our loved one vallariana root extract at sundown to calm agitation. It works great.
It doesn't make him sleepy, but sure takes the edge of his agitation.
They seem to get agitated mostly at the ones that take care of them the most, so don't take it personal.

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score 2 · Answer 4

Oh my goodness, it's the dementia witching hour. Sundown to sunup.
We are fighting it too, gradually gets worse over time, but some say that it goes away as you move into a different stage. My heart goes out for you.

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score 3 · Answer 5

This is called sundowners. If you click on 'Care topic' on the top RHS of the screen, you will get an alphabetical list. scroll down to Sundowners, where you will find lots of articles, questions and discussions. If they don't answer your questions, come back to the Forum with more specific asks. Good luck!

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Why does MIL have attitude changes in the evening? I'm so stressed!

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