I'll start -
1. Just because I have aides come in and care for Mom, that doesn't mean I'm off the hook. I still have to coordinate when they don't show up/show up late. We are not spoiled for having them.
2. Your time is not your own anymore. Sorry I can't take that trip or go away for the weekend. Sorry I can't just meet up for dinner in the evening or do something at a moment's notice. My life is built around my mother, trying to hold on to my job and when aides come to help.
3. Yes, this is rewarding but it can also be boring. Lots of sitting and eating which explains my weight gain. Plus the non stop worrying about everything. This is not a luxury gig.
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Without help can you actually take a bath and relax or was that noise something that requires your immediate attention.
Whoops! excuse me, I have to change her, clean the floor/carpet, and rinse out her clothes and hang them before doing the laundry. What were you saying?
Shoot the food is burning now because I got so busy.
Take notes and let me know how that show ends.
Dr. appointment tomorrow after noon! What else is in the area that I can take care of while out. (medical supply house, beauty parlor, etc.)
Ever had a brown torpedo slither out while cleaning up the last movement??
Change protective underwear twice in less than two minutes. Babies are not the only ones whose bladder is on automatic empty when exposed to air. Now I have to wash my face as well.
Why is this dinner plate in the planter? Where did you hide your dirty underwear this time?
What time is it? Time for more meds? Hers or mine.
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I am personally grateful for all the caregivers who are willingly and lovingly caring for their loved one at a time when they need it most. Not all caregivers are caring for elderly people, many younger moms and dads care for handicapped children. Some middle aged and older care for handicapped young adults and do this with grace and amazing love. Thank you, to all who care for others.
May God bless you!
When mom lived with me, I literally hardly had time to eat or sleep (and couldn't sleep much anyway), much less go hang out with friends or to social engagements. Now that she is in a facility, I'm able to sleep better, but it's still difficult and emotionally draining at times, especially when she is having a paranoid or psychotic episode and I'm having to either try and calm her down, or talk to medical professionals that have been summoned if it's really bad. Not to mention paying her bills, rent, taxes and upkeep on her house (that we are unable to use for her care as of right now due to it being tied up in court because of my sister's financial exploitation), dealing with attorneys and court related to said home, shopping, prescriptions, doctor's appointments, etc.
When people who are not caregivers talk about it being a gift or an honor to take care of a parent, or when they tell me "they took care of you so you take care of them" not knowing what it's like to have a personality disordered parent who didn't really "take care of you", I imagine they are thinking of movies where it's warm and fuzzy and glowy, and everyone feels honored. I suspect that's not the reality for the vast majority of us. I think most of us are just trying to do the best we can and survive.
Free time - what's that?
Take care of myself - Yeah, RIGHT!
exhausted - you bet!
worth it - absolutely!!!
Thanks so much for this site. Peace, dawn1947.