Oneof5 - what is the current situation regarding ownership and paying property costs on the house that you and your mom bought in 2011? Are you aware of Medicaids Estate Recovery policy?
Hugs to you OneofFive6. Your heart is broken over your mom’s care. Consider that your sisters couldn’t do what you were doing but wanted more care for mom and to lessen your burden. The fact that they go each night is a good thing. Don’t you agree? Your mother was driving at 90. Probably shouldn’t have been but that demonstrates an ability to live and work in a world where she doesn’t speak the language. No doubt the move made her dementia progress. It does for everyone else. Another move would be another progression. So consider that. it appears the first step to find your mother better care is to make peace with your sisters. Gain their support in getting back in to see your mom and do what you can to make her life better. What you are doing now does not help. Accept that. I know it’s hard. what goes on in nursing homes is a culture shock to those of us who do speak the language. I get that. None of this is easy for anyone. Your mom has lived a long life. Her brain is failing. You nor your sisters can fix that. Nor the best NH in the land. The next step is to visit other NHs. When you think you have found a better place, talk to your sisters. You must be part of the team to have influence. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Take care.
I think we may need a little more clarification....Is your mother actually ON Medicaid, or is she paying privately in a NH that has both private and Medicaid beds? (Just FYI Moms NH accepts both private pay and Medicaid, and the hands on staff don’t know how the residents pay, the rooms are the same and they’re treated the same)
My point is, if she’s privately paying in a facility that accepts both, and you don’t like her care for some reason, you can look around to see if she would be accepted at another facility and try to move her. Moms is about $12k a month in NY just FYI.
If she’s actually ON Medicaid, she probably has limited funds and you’ll need to find another place that accepts Medicaid and whatever your Moms infirmity is. Has your sister already done all this legwork and research and application? What is it about the current place that you don’t like? Maybe if you can describe what your concern is we can respond with more suggestions. And the big question...is your sister POA?
That’s a huge dilemma these days and unfortunately decisions as to where our seniors end up for long term care are made based on the person’s finances. Folks needing Medicaid nursing home care are often our country’s poorest people with minimal if any money. Some NHs are better than others but the same can be said of Assisted Living Providers as well. AL often costs the person or person’s family thousands of dollars paid out of their own pockets to stay there. An option for you is to pay out of pocket for your mother to live in Assisted Living if you have money to spend for that - could be from $3000-$10000 per month. My mother in law is in AL in New York and her monthly bill is around $10K. She had to spend all her savings and sold her home to be able to pay this. Her money will run out in a year or so - she is 94! My husband’s family is having to plan on what happens when MIL’s funds are gone. One of those options is transferring her to a Medicaid NH.
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Are you aware of Medicaids Estate Recovery policy?
Your mother was driving at 90. Probably shouldn’t have been but that demonstrates an ability to live and work in a world where she doesn’t speak the language. No doubt the move made her dementia progress. It does for everyone else.
Another move would be another progression. So consider that.
it appears the first step to find your mother better care is to make peace with your sisters. Gain their support in getting back in to see your mom and do what you can to make her life better.
What you are doing now does not help. Accept that. I know it’s hard.
what goes on in nursing homes is a culture shock to those of us who do speak the language. I get that. None of this is easy for anyone. Your mom has lived a long life. Her brain is failing. You nor your sisters can fix that. Nor the best NH in the land.
The next step is to visit other NHs. When you think you have found a better place, talk to your sisters. You must be part of the team to have influence.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Take care.
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My point is, if she’s privately paying in a facility that accepts both, and you don’t like her care for some reason, you can look around to see if she would be accepted at another facility and try to move her. Moms is about $12k a month in NY just FYI.
If she’s actually ON Medicaid, she probably has limited funds and you’ll need to find another place that accepts Medicaid and whatever your Moms infirmity is. Has your sister already done all this legwork and research and application? What is it about the current place that you don’t like? Maybe if you can describe what your concern is we can respond with more suggestions. And the big question...is your sister POA?
Folks needing Medicaid nursing home care are often our country’s poorest people with minimal if any money. Some NHs are better than others but the same can be said of Assisted Living Providers as well. AL often costs the person or person’s family thousands of dollars paid out of their own pockets to stay there.
An option for you is to pay out of pocket for your mother to live in Assisted Living if you have money to spend for that - could be from $3000-$10000 per month. My mother in law is in AL in New York and her monthly bill is around $10K. She had to spend all her savings and sold her home to be able to pay this. Her money will run out in a year or so - she is 94!
My husband’s family is having to plan on what happens when MIL’s funds are gone. One of those options is transferring her to a Medicaid NH.