Can someone PLEASE tell me how to get a family member that is in an ALF closer to home?

haileybug, is he already on medication for his behavior and it’s still uncontrolled? Or does the family not want to medicate? What does his doctor say he needs? (Sometimes facilities cannot deal with a resident without medication...thats part of the overall treatment of how they handle it)

Haileybug, violent behaviors are a real problem for staff. One particularly cranky gentleman at Moms NH dislocated a CNAs shoulder last month. He was in a wheelchair. He’s constantly throwing plates of food onto the floor in the dining room scaring other residents. His family does not want him medicated for behavior so the staff tries to deal with him the best they can. Another man in a wheelchair makes leud comments to other residents and staff. Ugh. Unless you’ve witnessed the bad behaviors your family member exhibits, it’s probably hard to picture, but it’s a big problem for people who have to deal with him 24/7. Especially if family is in denial or not supportive.

A lot of people seem to miss the picture here. If you are a nursing facility that "CLAIMS" to be qualified to handle "behaviors" then why not do just that?

A person in a wheelchair still needs assistance getting into and out of that wheelchair. They also need assistance with hygiene & medication management.
What kind of past behaviors? Do you have specific examples?
Perhaps he endangers staff and other residents. If so those centers have to protect everyone, not just your family member. He may also need nursing home care as well, because Assisted Living doesn’t have the staff to watch over everyone very closely or all the time.

My 88 y/o mother was about 110 lb & in a wheelchair in a NH. She wasn’t violent to others but there was one time I bent down to pick up my cell phone (which she knocked out of my hands telling me I used it too much). Once I bent down my little sweet mother grabbed my hair and pulled it and would not let go. I realized there wasn’t much I could do except wait for her to let go - I couldn’t do anything else or I would hurt her, so I just brought myself closer so it wouldn’t hurt that much until she let go. But it really hurt. And it wasn’t a strand or too, she had grabbed a handful.

That’s what a person in a wheelchair could do who could barely stand up to get in and out of bed.

Thank goodness she never acted out with NH staff or I would probably be in your position. She only acted out on me or my brother.

Of course, my mom had dementia and wasn’t aware of what she was doing.
She also swore like a sailor a lot. Words I never ever heard come out of her mouth!

So perhaps that person you speak of presents a danger to the staff at the centers he has already been to. If he hits or scratches his CGs or other residents the management of the center has a duty to protect the vulnerable residents against your family member.

Has he been evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist for medication management to control his behavior? He has no control over his actions if he has dementia ( or does he
Haileybug, that wasn’t stated).

They meaning his family? Who has POA?

Maybe he needs more care than an AL can give. They are limited to what they can do. Like the name says "assisted". They assist not do 24/7 intensive care.

I am thinking here he is showing violent tendencies or trying to escape. ALs are not fully locked down. He may need Memory care or even a nursing home.

Caregiving is very hard and harder when ALZ/Dementia are involved. There are different types. Lewy Body is one with violent tendancies. Dementia people loose their reasoning, comprehension, processing and shortterm. Very hard dealing with an adult who is more like a toddler.

His family may be doing the best they can in the situation. No its not his fault but its not theirs either. This maybe the only place that will take him.
Family maybe trying to keep him out of a NH, which he will eventually need.

haileybug, we need more information. Is the family member who is in Assisted Living self-paying [meaning out of his/her own wallet] or is the family member on Medicaid [which is different from Medicare].

Nursing Homes/Assisted Living can only take a person if they have an empty bed. Many places have a long waiting list. So apparently the family member went to the nearest bed that can handle his care, which unfortunately is quite away from the family.