My mother seems to have selective memory when it comes to anything to do with me. It's tearing me apart. Any suggestions?

Please find yourself a therapist cuz you're important also.

That's awful, so sorry for your frustration. It's hard to believe that your mom is telling the truth about the selective memory. It wud be very mean for her to exclude you like that on purpose, so I hope it's not intentional. Looking back at your childhood, did she follow the same pattern of preferring your brothers over u?

I'm so sorry you're facing such a terribly difficult situation!! It really sounds like your mother is 'gaslighting' you, in classic narcissistic fashion. Gaslighting is when a person tries to make you believe you're losing your mind. You KNOW she said something, then she turns around and denies it, badmouthing you to your brothers for 'lying' or making up stories. My mother is a huge narcissist & has done things like this forever. For instance, I grew up with her telling the story of her dad lighting matches, then putting them under the children's fingernails at the dinner table if they were speaking when they shouldn't be. Many years later I repeated that story to my cousin and somehow, it got back to mom. She called me up flabbergasted that I would 'make up such a story.' I was the one who was flabbergasted, frankly. In any event, I have no idea if your mother has exhibited narcissistic traits all her life, but if so, those types of behaviors are exacerbated in old age. She probably does have some type of dementia going on as well, despite never having been 'diagnosed' with it. I begged the ER doc to admit my mother a few years ago because I KNEW that she was suffering from dementia, but she plays such a good game that nobody believed me. I was the 'bad one', she was perfectly perfect. Long story short, she was admitted and failed the testing pretty badly, being diagnosed *finally* with progressive dementia. She's only gotten worse over the past couple of years, but still plays a fabulous game with others.

I wish I had some sage advice for you but I don't. Please make sure to take some time for YOURSELF and stop allowing your mother & her friends to treat you like a servant! Stand up for yourself and speak your mind, too! You are NOT the hired help and you don't need to be waiting on ANYONE hand & foot! I don't care WHAT your mother has done for you in the past, this type of behavior is unacceptable. Unless you state that fact, you'll continue to be taken advantage of.

I hope you can reach some agreeable place in this relationship, dear woman. Best of luck to you!