I have been looking at some of the other articles on this. When we had dad over for Christmas yesterday (he lives on his own with the help of caregivers), he brought up the fact he would really like to go see his nieces and nephews this spring. The car trip would be a minimum of 4 hours on a good day, but potentially looking at 5-6 hours on a bad traffic day. He uses a walker and this would require multiple rest stops. He is very, very frail. I really, REALLY don't want to do this. Just spending every Saturday afternoon with him is exhausting to me. There's the med management situation plus the care of his legs (he's diabetic). He said he would pay for a place for us to stay but I don't want to share a hotel room with him and he would be very confused on his own. I just don't think he could do it. Possibly one of them would let us stay. His grown nieces and nephews are pushing him to get me to take him up there (I am the only one here in town with him - I've been managing his care for almost 4 years and was recently awarded guardianship). They have not seen him for many years and I'm afraid they don't realize how frail he has gotten. My sister lives there and suggested that possibly her daughter could meet me half way and they could take him the rest of the way and manage him for an overnight stay to give me a break. I did read in one of the articles to talk to his doctors. I could run this by his geriatric psych and primary care doctor if you think that would be good. I am at a loss and maybe I'm worrying about this all too soon but I really don't want to do this but feeling like I don't have a choice.
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Tell relatives that Dad is not up to a trip that far even though he thinks he is. Don't tell them at first that you don't want to do it. You have you r guardianship. He has Dementia. A good reason not to take him. They don't do well with change.
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Do regular online video calls so that he can see them and they can interact with Dad. It will make his day, and it will let them see just how challenging this is for you to care for him.
My daughters do weekly FaceTime with my mother so she sees her great-grand children. She reads them books, which they like. She is very hard of hearing and has mild dementia, so this works out better than direct interaction. She has a new great-granddaughter in another country so seeing her online weekly is the only way she can meet her and watch her grow. It's not the same as a hug but it works.
Babs75.. you should not travel far with your Dad, I agree with everyone that is saying that.
As a result of these kind of experiences the last few months, our family has even decided not to take my mother to see her own mother in Wisconsin (whose health is failing quickly) one more time, as it would be a huge financial, logistical and emotional investment for all of us with ultimately little to no emotional meaning to her (or my grandmother who also has a milder case of dementia).
And all of these situations have been with my 76 year old mother, who is in good physical health, other than her impaired cognitive state.
I would strongly affirm those who have said that anyone who loves your father, and wants HIM to have a good experience and visit, will take the time and effort to come to him, for his sake, not yours.
Travel would be very difficult. Do not allow this to happen.
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